WHAT IS WRONG WITH US??!!

We have 3 or 4 widows and 2 fairly recent widowers in our small congregation.  In general in this life, women outlive men and that is how married couples plan when considering the future of their estates after one of them passes away.  Women expect to become widows and men expect to be the first to die.  But it doesn't always happen that way and in the older generation,  men in their 70's and 80's who outlive their wives often struggle to learn how to cook, do laundry and operate the household on their own.  

In my own family,  my Dad died first.  It was a difficult adjustment for my Mom but she always did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry and handled the household finances so she didn't have to immediately learn anything new to survive on her own (until the lawn needed mowing).  Had my Dad outlived my Mom, he could have cooked basic meals for himself and vacuumed the house but he would have needed a lot of practical support and help with laundry,  grocery shopping,  paying bills and other basic functions necessary to continue living on his own.

Well, that's exactly what has happened to 2 men in our church in the past year and a half or so.  And one of those men has no children to help him.  His wife DID try to teach him some basic cooking,  shopping and computer/bill paying and finance skills as she fought her cancer battle but he is now just over 6 months past her death and he is feeling lonely, afraid, overwhelmed and ill equipped to handle life on his own.  But he has learned so many things so quickly and he is leaning heavily on the Lord!  I am able to check in on him during the week, when he is the loneliest, and send him encouraging emails.  I hug him on Sundays because one of the hardest things for him is the loss of human touch.   In short, he needs people. 

What makes me SO sad is that he now considers me his best friend and all I do is send him emails weekly and hug him and listen to him talk about his emotional struggles for a few minutes on Sunday mornings. 

So I was talking to someone at church this past Sunday about maybe starting up the monthly men's meeting again (they haven't met since COVID) and he said they had talked about it but no decision had been made.  I reminded him that we have a couple of widowers who are lonely and in serious need of fellowship with other men.  He quickly said "yeah but they are fresh widowers."  As if being newly thrust into a life alone when you had been married to the same person for over 50 years means you need to be left alone to adjust on your own to your new life of solitude before you need other men to come alongside!  Being "freshly" and suddenly single means they need MORE support, MORE understanding, MORE fellowship,  MORE grace, patience and love!  And ASAP!  We shouldn't wait!

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO US???!!!  Are we no longer capable of compassionately meeting the needs of the elderly widows and widowers?  Where is the heart that used to love our church family as if they were related by blood?  

I think it is particularly a problem with Christian men who have been beaten down by this society and told they don't matter and so have stopped trying and younger women who are told they can do it all - career, family, etc and are too busy having it all to pay attention to anyone else.

What we need is a huge re-set in our churches!  We need to STOP and listen to the quiet screams for help coming from the person sitting right next to us at church.   We need to hear the Holy Spirit whispering the name of a brother or sister in Christ who needs some extra encouragement at that moment and reach out to offer a prayer or a quick text to let them know they are in our thoughts. 

We need more selfless love and compassion!  And we need to shut out the noise of this world and start listening to the Lord's still small voice.