What a mess! And I feel yucky!

I want to start with a story before I get to the heart of this post. I have a dear friend who is a Sunday School teacher for kindergartners at her church. Last month she sent me the following text:

Out of the mouths of babes:

When we had our lesson on Ezra, we saw that before they began rebuilding the temple, they first honored God in sacrifices and keeping the holy days He'd instructed. Then we spoke of our holi-days and how God should be most important. When Christmas was mentioned, they were enthused about gifts.

I asked if any of them gave Jesus anything. One raised his hand. "I did."

"What did you give Him?"

"I gave Him Joy."

And I thought, what would it be if each week or morning I consciously considered such a gift to Him.

I thought a lot about what she said and decided to add a “My gift to God today” portion at the end of each morning’s list of things I am thankful for (I keep a daily Thankfulness Journal).

So, that is context for my purpose in writing this post.

Yesterday (Sunday), my gift to God was “surrender” and I wrote that without understanding what that might mean specifically for my day. But as I lived through my day I realized there were big areas where I have been trying to take back some of the control I thought I had given the Lord. I found myself trying to influence certain situations that I don’t have the wisdom or understanding to meddle with but God knows all aspects of each situation and the hearts and minds of those involved and He is infinitely more qualified to handle every situation without my interference.

The first such situation deals with my son and baptism. I found myself trying to convince my son that he should overcome his very real fear of dunking his full head in the water and be baptized at the next baptism service in March. Our son had a very traumatic experience in a swimming pool as a toddler and has been terrified of submerging his face in water ever since. We are working with him and a counselor on this issue but March is probably too soon to expect him to be able to conquer that fear. The Lord brought my “gift” of surrender to mind last night and I realized I needed to leave my son’s baptism decision in God’s hands and let Him prompt our son in His time. There is no rush. God’s timing is always perfect.

In a completely different area that came up yesterday, I found myself exerting my own will on our daughter in her choice for who she would like to date once she is allowed to start dating. She has had someone in mind for the past 2 years and we don’t have a particular problem with the boy but he comes from a particularly troubled and very manipulative family background and we just want to protect her from a potentially very painful - or at least a very difficult future which seems unnecessary. But, again, her future is in God’s hands and she must make her own choices as she matures. She will have to make mistakes because that is how you grow and learn. It is not my job to exert my will on her life choices. As long as she is walking with the Lord and doing her best to follow His will for her life (and I believe she is), I need to surrender her choices to His will and stop trying to influence her to make the choices I would prefer.

And finally, as I went to bed last night I was reminded (and I wont go in to detail here) that I need to surrender my marriage to the Lord. I need to stop praying for specific changes I would like to see in my husband and just surrender our marriage to the Lord and do whatever He tells me to do. That is the ONLY way to have a Godly marriage and that’s what I want.

So, as I was praying in bed before drifting off to sleep, I pictured these 3 members of my family and the mess I had been making of the current circumstances. I was feeling pretty yucky and defeated and I just prayed that the Lord would take these people who are so precious to me and fix my mistakes. I laid my anxieties about them at the foot of the cross and prayed for the strength not to pick them up again. I fell asleep with the hymn “I Surrender All” going through my head and my sleep was sweet - knowing my family is in God’s loving care.

When no one is looking…

One Sunday several months ago my daughter was waiting in the car while I finished up a conversation inside the church after the service was over. People were getting into their cars and leaving and someone accidentally backed into our car. They stopped to look at the damage and then left. No one else was in the parking lot at the time and they didn’t know that my daughter was in the car. After they left, I came outside to get into the car and my daughter told me what had happened and who had backed into our car. I looked at our rear bumper and cleaned off a fairly good sized section where paint had transferred from the impact from the other car and noticed cracking under the paint. I thought they would probably send a text confessing what had happened and apologizing for it but they never did acknowledge what had happened. The damage was minor and we would never have asked them to pay anything so I decided the relationship was more important and I never confronted them about it. I am not holding a grudge against them but I think about it once-in-awhile and it IS a good lesson for my children to learn. Not only a lesson about “turning the other cheek” and about forgiveness but we have always taught them that character is who you are and what you do when no one is looking. And this was a perfect example to them - one they will remember.

I am absolutely against suing anyone - especially other believers. We should be able to work out our differences without involving the courts system. I would rather accept the wrong than destroy a relationship by taking someone before a judge. And in the above example, I was wronged and that’s okay.

I am actually glad this happened (and our car is 13 years old so we didn’t feel it was worth taking in to be fixed since the damage was minor) because it has been a great real-life lesson for my children. For them to recognize that there is always the potential that someone IS watching even when you don’t think anyone sees you. And even if you are right about being unseen by human eyes, God is ALWAYS watching. It is good for all of us to be conscious of our behavior when no one is looking in the same way we are when people are around us.

Last Words

Our church is doing a deep dive into the Gospel of John on Sunday mornings. This past Sunday we went through the first part of John chapter 2. It was a wonderful message and I thoroughly enjoyed the points brought out by our speaker. But one thought that wasn't brought out was about the words Jesus' mother, Mary, spoke to the servants after she told Jesus they had run out of wine at the wedding celebration they were attending. 

Once, years ago, someone pointed out in a message that the words Mary spoke "Whatever He says to you, do it.” (or in another translation “Do whatever He tells you to.”) are the last recorded words she spoke. Mary, the mother of Jesus, points to Jesus, tells everyone to do whatever He says, and then fades into the background.

The first take-away for me is that I want to heed Mary’s words and do whatever Jesus, through the leading of the Holy Spirit within me, tells me to do. I want to lead a life of obedient service to God.

Mary’s last words were simple, direct and probably said with excitement and adoration. I can almost see her smiling, pointing to Jesus and saying “Whatever He says to you, do it.” and then thinking “After you do what He tells you to, stand back and watch what He can do! This is going to wow your senses!”

Jesus wows my senses! I am a mother and I am so proud of my children. I like to direct people’s attention to their abilities and accomplishments. I would never try to outshine my children or receive any credit for the amazing gifts God has given them. I can identify with Mary who knew Jesus and who He REALLY was. She wanted everyone to know how amazing He was (and still is).

The second take-away is that this is how I want my life to be characterized. I want my life to point to Jesus and then I want to fade into obscurity. I pray that my last words will be ones that lovingly point to Jesus as Savior, miracle-worker, shepherd, the answer to all our problems and questions, the only way to heaven, the only truth and the only door to eternal life.

That means I have to be really careful about every word that comes out of my mouth each day because I don’t know which moment will be my last!

What will your last words be?

Singing!

I had a thought the other day.  I was thinking about how much music and singing the Bible talks about.  God enjoys music!  The Psalms were meant to be sung, King David sang, played instruments and danced, there was an entire group of people  (the sons of Asaph) set apart as "singers."  The Bible instructs us to sing - to lift up our voices in joyful song.  So I decided to find out if there was a Biblical record of Jesus singing and indeed there is!  In Mark and in Matthew are recorded the details of the Lord's Supper on the night Jesus was betrayed.   At the very end, they all sang a hymn and then went to the Mount of Olives.  Given the fact that the Lord enjoys music so much I have to believe that His singing a hymn wasn't something unique to that one moment in time.  I like to think about Jesus singing hymns with His disciples or after preaching to a crowd, ending with a hymn or song of praise to God the Father.   Or singing softly to His Father in those rare times of solitude.  

We are created in His image and we enjoy music which, along with the Biblical record, leads me to believe that Jesus sang- at least from time to time.

And speaking of singing...

Our daughter just got back from a choral festival in California.   Her choir performed well and won a "superior" rating in a competition with other choirs.  She had a great time but I will tell you that it was an eye-opening experience for us.  This was our daughter's first time traveling out-of-state without us.  And she was really busy singing, rehearsing, etc.  She also had a cold and wasn't feeling her best.  So, being an involved Mom, I texted her every day to see how she was feeling,  etc.  I got very short responses that lacked details and very few pictures.   I started to wonder if this was what it was going to be like after she graduates from high school and goes off to college.   I envisioned an empty nest with kids who barely communicated and never without my prompting!  But after we got home she couldn't wait to show me pictures and videos and told me all about her trip and then she told me the most amazing reason she hadn't sent me much in the way of pictures and trip details (aside from the fact she was busy, at a school event and didn't have her phone with her a lot of the time).  She wanted to tell me her stories and show me pictures and videos in person so she could see and hear my reactions.   Without that, she said, it was no fun.   I love my daughter!  

Confident in Love

Today is Valentine's Day and I have been thinking a lot about love.  How I show love and how I receive it.  Do I feel loved?  Do I feel worthy of love?

I know what the Bible says about love but how does that play out in my life?  I struggle with feeling and then expressing strong emotions.   MS has flattened my emotional experience.   That doesn't mean I don't experience emotions- it just means that I don't feel them as intensely and that my brain doesn't translate them easily into action.  So, for example, I can feel sadness but I may or may not cry depending on how efficiently my brain processes that sadness on a particular day.  MS can be so random!

I know someone who just can't accept that Jesus loves them.  I don't know why - they know it intellectually but just can't translate that into a heart-felt knowledge of that deep love.  This person has experienced a lot of hurt and rejection and feels like there must be something wrong with them.  As a result, they can't accept the love being offered- by anyone.   This person thinks that unless they FEEL loved, they aren't loved.

On the other hand, I feel deeply loved by a perfect Savior- Jesus Christ.   I know I don't deserve that love and that I am deeply flawed.   But I also know that whatever state I am in, the Father sees only perfection because all my imperfections are hidden from view because Jesus died and paid the penalty for my sin - for all my human failings.  And because of Jesus,  I am dearly loved.  That feeling is stronger than MS.  Truly NOTHING can separate me from His love!

So, if someone in my life doesn't show love for me in a way that makes me FEEL loved, I still know I am loved.  And if I am that deeply loved, I want EVERYONE to feel that incredible confidence in being truly, deeply, unconditionally loved no matter what they do or say.  

I want Jesus' love to shine through me to others too but I admit that is not always easy.  As I said, getting my brain to translate love into tangible action- even into a smile - is sometimes very difficult for me.  The more fatigued I get the harder it is.  My sense of humor fades significantly as the day wears on and by bedtime it is almost completely gone.   I have to remember to be very intentional about even my facial expressions- especially when I'm tired.

I am so confident in Christ's love that it's easy for me to forget that there are many Christians who struggle with feeling loved and need that love from God to come to them through me or through other believers. It's an important responsibility- a God-directed assignment as a Christian that we fill up on His love and let it spill out onto everyone around us - even when it doesn't come naturally for us.

There is no reason that everyone in our circle shouldn't feel deeply loved by Jesus.  It's our job to make sure they are aware of the depth of His love toward them.  Be confident in His love and share it!  

Happy Valentine's Day!❤️