Aloneness

It’s not a big surprise that there are a lot of lonely people in this world. This is not a new phenomenon - we were created to desire relationships. I have thought a LOT over the past many years about loneliness. The reason I have had this on my mind more recently is that there have been many people in my circle who have confided in me that they (or someone they love) often feel lonely. One told me that he feels lonely even around his family - like he doesn’t belong. I have been there but not for a long time. It’s not a comfortable place to be and I don’t think it’s a place we HAVE to be - or at least we shouldn’t stay there, wallowing in our loneliness.

I do remember feeling like no one cared about me even in the face of significant evidence to the contrary - wondering if anyone would miss me if I disappeared. It took me years to realize that people will always disappoint and it took even longer to be okay with that. People cannot be relied upon (or expected) to meet our deeper needs for unconditional love and acceptance. I finally realized that God was the only truly solid, forever friend I was ever going to find. And then I quickly realized that God is ENOUGH for me. I can be alone without feeling lonely. And, in fact, now I really enjoy my times of aloneness. Being alone has become a joy and a comfort.

I really struggled with why some of the people I really wanted to be around, didn’t seem to want to be around ME. I once heard a saying that helped me during that time to recognize that I needed to take responsibility for making myself into the woman God wanted me to be and He would bring the right people into my life. The saying was this “Become the kind of person you want to attract.” A principle found in scripture in the first part of Proverbs 18:24 - “A man who has friends must himself be friendly,…”. Another saying I heard and took to heart was that “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” Wow! That one hit me smack between the eyes! I so wanted people to care about ME but I wasn’t thinking about THEM or caring about what THEY might need. I had my focus in the wrong place.

Re-focusing my eyes upward, I learned how to forget about looking to others to meet the needs only God is able to meet perfectly. Once I got my eyes off myself, I realized how many hurting people were all around me and the Holy Spirit worked inside my heart to help me start empathizing with the struggles of others and forgetting about my own struggles. I choose now to put any thoughts about myself to the side and reach out to others- when I do that, I find I spend less and less time alone and more and more time serving the Lord by caring for others.

There are times that we have no choice but to struggle alone. When I was in my late teens and early 20’s I used to have horrible nightmares. I was afraid to go to sleep. I put verses on my wall and prayed but my nightmares continued. I would often stay awake all night, terrified to go to sleep. No one could be there with me through those nights. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that surrendering my whole self to God and accepting His love and protection was the answer to resolving my fears.

Through those times of loneliness and fear I FINALLY (I am not the fastest learner) developed a deep knowledge of the love the Lord has for me.

I am a very visual person - I picture things I read, hear or imagine vividly. At night I started picturing myself curled up sleeping in the palm of Jesus’ enormous hand - so comforting - and I felt secure. Gradually the nightmares went away.

I heard another saying in more recent years that I shared with a cousin of mine struggling with a serious meth addiction: “When you hit rock bottom, you discover that Jesus is the rock at the bottom.” I am not claiming to ever have truly hit rock bottom. But in my weakness, I admit sometimes it has sure felt that way!

Now I have MS. I am often overwhelmed by the activities swirling around me. I get over-stimulated by the noise of the TV in the background or the constant sound of people talking. My husband pointed out that we, as human beings, were not designed to be able to handle constant stimulation. Our brains need a break. We NEED time away from the noise to rest and recharge. The truth is that, as believers, we are NEVER alone!

We need to get comfortable with being quiet and alone with the Lord. He alone knows what we need. He alone provides the quiet rest and comfort we need to be the people He created us to be.

I generally have a running commentary in my head - an open dialog with the Lord. I am constantly praying. But when I am feeling overwhelmed I just get to a quiet room and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to the Father for me and I often close my eyes and imagine Jesus wrapping His strong arms around me in a loving hug. I can FEEL that! Sometimes the love pouring into me through that “God hug” is so powerful it makes me cry. And there is no human being on this earth who can hug me like that or make me feel that way.

So, I think some day when I am an empty nester I will enjoy my aloneness and I don’t think I will often feel lonely. And if I DO get lonely, I won’t stay that way because I will ALWAYS be surrounded by God’s loving, protective arms.