Hot Mess

“And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.” ‭‭Titus‬ ‭3‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

There are days when I try to do too much and at the end of those days I am a hot mess. Today was one of those days.

Normally I try to pace myself and don’t try to take on more than one major project per day. Major to me (a person with MS) has a different definition than for a healthy person. Grocery shopping is a major project for me and it is a huge energy drain even though it’s something I truly enjoy doing. I went grocery shopping this morning.

Volunteering at my son’s school - walking around the courtyard and monitoring the kids during their lunch break is a major, energy draining project for me even though I think it’s important and I enjoy it. I volunteered at my son’s school today.

These activities combined with getting the kids to and from school left me a hot mess and having real trouble trying to even THINK about what to fix for dinner (no left-overs to fall back on).

Enter my daughter. She stepped in and saved me - and dinner - tonight! She has been asking for a week if she could make fettuccini alfredo. I bought all the necessary ingredients last week but my husband doesn’t like to be a guinea pig for her to test her new cooking skills on - and he gets really agitated when people make messes while cooking. So the only time our daughter cooks is when my husband is out of town.

I try not to let on when I’m struggling to come up with a meal idea so I had just started brainstorming with the kids when my daughter said “Can I make chicken fettuccini alfredo tonight?” My immediate answer was a relieved and enthusiastic “yes!” She is not an experienced cook but she has made recipes on her own before and she knows her way around the kitchen for the most part. I consulted when she asked but dinner took very little effort on my part - she even set the table and prepared fruit to go with it. And it was REALLY good! Her brother loved it and was still talking about how good it was as he got ready for bed tonight.

Speaking of hot messes - my daughter made a big mess on the stove while she was cooking, it was too hot to clean up right away and, had my husband been home, he would have been hovering over her the entire time and ultimately would not have been able to stand the mess she was making and would have taken the project over.

I have learned through my experience with MS fatigue that it’s important to allow ourselves as well as our children to be (and make) a hot mess sometimes. In making messes, we all learn valuable lessons - whether we are cooking or re-potting a plant or stepping out in faith to try something new. It’s okay to need help sometimes and to let others see our human weaknesses.

Another lesson I have learned is that my children WANT to help in practical ways. They want to be trusted to step in and handle an important task (like making dinner). They not only WANT to feel useful, they NEED to feel like an essential part of our family. And they ARE!

Finally, I am learning to accept that I don’t have to be strong every moment of every day. My children love me even when I’m a hot mess and can hardly articulate a thought because I’m so tired. They never complain when I take a nap or ask them to do tasks I would normally do myself. I don’t want to take my family for granted but it is sure a good feeling and a relief to know that my children are capable of helping and eager to help when my husband is out of town and I am flying solo as a parent.

I am so very blessed!