I had a GREAT day today! I had plenty of energy for all my activities- I don't think I have yawned once yet and it's currently 10pm. That's unusual for me!
I wore one of my "testimony" shirts that says "Jesus" on the front and has the text of Psalm 23 down the right arm. And, dressed in this shirt and fully equipped with the Armor of God, I went grocery shopping. After shopping I volunteered at my son's middle school. And after that I visited my friend at my favorite thrift store to check in on her - the Lord has been working things out so beautifully in her life and I got an opportunity to pray with her there at the thrift store.
And while the thrift store is my happy place and my friend that works there brings me so much joy, today's visit was NOT the best part of my day as it often is.
The absolute best part of my day was taking the kids with me to visit our friend who recently became a widower. We visited he and his wife in October. We visited him in January while his wife was in rehab after she had 2 surgeries to repair a broken hip and a broken femur after a nasty fall. And we went to the memorial service (and stayed talking for hours afterward) for his wife in early March who passed away in early February, not long before his 98th birthday. This was our 4th time visiting with him in the last 6 months.
I have been friends with this man and his family for close to 30 years. His grandchildren were in our wedding as the flower girl and ring bearer. My husband has known them for much longer than I have - their families grew up and shared holidays together.
This man now lives alone in a house where he has lived for 60+ years - where he and his wife raised their 3 children. He is fortunate to have all 3 children living nearby and all married, retired and those with kids are now empty nesters with children who are are adults living their own - some married. Each of them gives up 2 days a week to spend caring for their dad. And yet, he's lonely. He enjoys visitors and he is so much fun to talk with!
He is originally from Germany - half Jewish, his parents had to send him and his brother to Scotland when WWII started. Thankfully, his parents survived the war but he and his younger brother (who didn't speak a word of English) spent 10 years in Scotland, attending school and learning English- with no information about the safety of their parents. Tonight I learned that our friend was a "bad kid" back then - he hung out with the bad kids. Apparently, he picked fights and used bad language. I had a hard time believing his story about being a bad kid because I have always known him as a quiet, kind man.
*Okay, at 10:30 my fatigue kicked in and I had to get to bed so I am now writing this the next day (3/19).
I don't know how accurate our 98 year old friend's stories are because he suffered a stroke in the past and has some fuzzy memories. He remembers details incorrectly sometimes and sometimes his mouth moves faster than his brain and he mis-speaks. But hearing him talk about his time in Germany and Scotland is fascinating. Hearing what he remembers from his younger days here and the friends we have had in common - stories I hadn't heard before about people I knew - is something special that I cherish. He has no filter now because of his stroke so he just speaks his mind. What I love about visiting him - especially with my kids - is that I can sit next to him on a couch and just talk with him like I would with a peer over coffee - no pretense, no fear of offending the other - just love and joy. He smiles a lot, this time there were a few tears too because he, of course, misses his wife. And everything he says is interesting or at least entertaining even if it's not always accurate. The kids learn a lot from him and most of all they learn to be kind to their elders and to value them.
My Dad had Alzheimers for a few years before he died and we frequently had conversations about things that I knew were fabricated by his disease-riddled mind. But they were things that were real to him at the moment and I loved my Dad. I thoroughly enjoyed every conversation I had with him. I enjoyed being with him and who he was able to be in each stage of his life. Even when he was non-verbal, he was a blessing to hang out with. He would squeeze my hand so tightly that it would hurt but I didn't try to pull away - this was his only method of communicating love in the end and I adored him for communicating the only thing that truly mattered. Because I spent time with him regularly as he slipped further inside himself, I understood his gesture and I received the message.
What I have come to realize is that nobody has a choice about getting older. We can eat healthy and exercise and maybe delay major illnesses but we don't have any real control over how our bodies and minds handle the aging process. The only way to escape the pangs of old age is to die young. So, as with our children as they are learning to walk and talk, we need to be patient and show grace to our elderly friends and parents when they struggle to remember or maybe make up a story altogether. We need to spend time with them - and learn to hear what they are really saying between the confusion and fuzzy thoughts. Younger generations have lost the art of conversation just for the sake of conversation and the value of spending time with the elderly, listening, asking questions, just being with them to help carry the burdens they have been carrying for so many years.
My daughter had a teacher this year who took her class to a senior living facility to make gingerbread houses and play bingo with the residents there. The lady my daughter was paired up with is 93 years old and sharp mentally but her body is weak and she uses a walker. They exchanged phone numbers and they text with each other. This week my daughter was invited to go back to the facility to learn to play Phase 10 with this lady and 2 of her friends (one of whom is 102 years old). So, this afternoon after school I took my daughter to the senior living facility to hang out with her new friend group. I got to stay and pull up a chair to watch, chat and learn. It was so much fun! These women are incredible people! The 102 year old beat everyone at the game as I am told she usually does! She is originally from Australia and was in the Australian Army during WWII. All of them have such great stories to tell and we had so much fun! There's a Sadie Hawkins dance at the end of the month that we have been invited back for.
I know it's not easy for everyone to spend time listening to or talking with people in their 80's, 90’s & 100's. But I recommend trying it. It's important to take a deep breath and relax as you enter a conversation that might seem crazy or inaccurate or maybe long and rambling. But if you just let them talk about what's on their mind, it will bless both of you - you will not regret just being present with someone who needs to be heard, loved and valued. It's good for your heart.❤️
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