Life is Hard!

I remember being a kid.  As a tomboy I was always active.  I never wanted naps but my Mom made me get in bed mid-day anyway because SHE needed a break and my little sister was exhausted from trying to keep up with me. I was always climbing on things, I did every sport in school and loved playing on the monkey bars!

I remember being a teenager and watching Dr. Pepper commercials with young people balancing on and then jumping off 4 foot ledges, etc. and I really wanted to be in one of those commercials!  I played basketball and volleyball in school and played soccer with my neighborhood friends when I got home.  I had boundless energy!

I remember being in my early 20's and going to dance clubs (yes, a sordid part of my past that I am not proud of) and staying up until 3am and getting up at 6am for a full day of work only to go dancing again that night after a quick nap and a fast food dinner.

I remember being in my mid 20's (after re-committing my life to God) and being so active and involved in my church that I was at church more than I was home.  I was at all 3 services every Sunday, participated in the weekly Wednesday night prayer meeting,  a Thursday night Bible study and was a leader in AWANA every Monday night.  I was on a ladies' committee too and that meant providing refreshments for several evening services and helping serve at several bigger events like potlucks and organized Christmas dinners.  I went to every bridal and baby shower and I was involved with the young adults group who regularly got together to do fun activities (like flag football, camping trips, etc.).

I remember dating my husband while working full time and being so involved at church.   We would stay out late walking - often in the rain - and talking with no regard for sleep.

I remember when my kids were younger and I had to chase after them to keep them safe out in public.   I took them to parks, the fair, swimming lessons, the beach.  I taught both of them to ride bikes while holding on to the seat and running behind them before letting go once they were balanced.   

In short, I remember when I took energy and mobility for granted!  As if I would never run out of energy or have difficulty walking or be unable to run.

Now, getting dressed in the morning is a gymnastic event for me.  Walking is a simple task that takes thought and careful planning so I don't fail to pick my left leg up high enough and end up flat on the floor.   Even talking takes brain power and energy that often challenge my compromised system.   Everything I do now is more difficult and takes intentional effort and focus.

But God did not promise that my life would be easy.  In John 16:33 what He DID promise was that I would have tribulation but He said "IN ME you may have peace."  If I abide in, dwell in, TRUST in Jesus Christ I will have peace even when life is hard because He has conquered sin and death and all the things in this world that cause pain and suffering and hardship.  I can rest in that knowledge and in the promise that one day there will be no more sadness, pain, suffering- but only peace, love and joy!  And I can experience peace now in the ONE who created all things and by whom all things exist- a peace beyond understanding -  until you are filled with it.

Stress and Sickness - and Blessing!

We had a whirlwind of a December this year. My husband didn’t get a summer vacation but ended up getting the whole month of December off. We decided to go to Maui for 10 days right before Christmas - returning home on the 23rd.

When we initially cooked up this plan I thought it would make Christmas easier this year. I wanted to spend Christmas in Hawaii and make the trip our Christmas gift - plus spending money for the kids with Amazon gift cards once we returned home. I thought we could go to my Mom's house for a late Christmas dinner and small celebration.  I thought we would skip the Christmas tree, baking and decorations and have an easy transition into the new year.  No shopping, no major meal prep, no gift wrapping. It would have been so relaxing!

But my husband had a different take on this winter vacation. Because we would normally have gone on vacation in the Summer AND had a Christmas at home with gifts, tree, dinner, cookies, etc. he didn’t feel it was right to make the vacation the gift. And he was right to think that way... bummer.😉

This meant, however, that all Christmas gift shopping had to be done before we left on December 14. In addition, decorating the house had to be finished, any Christmas goodies had to be made AND all the planning, preparation and packing for a 10-day Maui vacation had to be done.

Every year I am the one in charge of ALL the Christmas gifts - including my own. I buy all the stocking stuffers, plan and shop for the meal and do all the inside decorating. We had to buy an artificial Christmas tree this year and thankfully, the kids helped me decorate it. But it was a mad scramble to get everything done in time and, actually, I didn’t. I had to save the task of wrapping all the gifts for after we got home.

We had a really nice - and gloriously warm- vacation. But on the last day, my husband came down with a bad cold. We arrived home the night of the 23rd. I did the grocery shopping and wrapped all the Christmas gifts (with some much-appreciated help from my daughter) on Christmas Eve. Feeling some better by Christmas, my husband agreed we should press forward with our plans and have my Mom and sister over for gift exchanging and Christmas dinner.

By the evening, I was starting to come down with my husband's cold and I got almost no sleep that night because I was coughing and miserable. 

I was too sick on Sunday to make it to church- I didn't want to spread my cold around the church,  plus I was sick and oh so tired!

I DID manage to take the kids to the New Year's Eve potluck and white elephant gift exchange which is a fun annual event at our church.

Thankfully, our kids avoided this bug and my husband is completely over it.  I have the typical drainage and lingering cough but am on the mend as well.

Hiwever, I am paying a high price because of all the stress and illness over the past month.  Multiple Sclerosis flares and symptoms are often triggered by stress and/or illness.  I have been pummeled by both since before Thanksgiving. 

As wonderful as a vacation to Hawaii in the winter was, it was also taxing on my body.  There is a lot of walking (so thankful I brought a collapsible cane), playing in the ocean is physically demanding too.  And I had to be the one to decide what we were going to do each day and plan our meals because my husband wasn't up to making any decisions.   All this after the craziness of shopping, decorating and preparing for Christmas AND a vacation all by December 13.  And after returning home, rolling straight into un-packing, grocery shopping and wrapping gifts and then prepping Christmas dinner and celebrating Christmas followed by a nasty cold and ringing in a new year have all taken a toll on my body.  My husband hasn't been well either which has made him more needy and difficult to be around so has added to my stress even though he has been helping some by doing laundry, boxing up our fake Christmas tree, helping with meals and vacuuming the house.

My foot drop/limp is a LOT worse and I am losing feeling inside my MOUTH!  I am soooo fatigued that I am struggling to communicate using words, often speaking too quietly and having to then repeat myself or slurring my speech or struggling to recall a word.  I desperately need quiet but I can't get away from the noise long enough to settle down my MS flares.

I sound like I am complaining, don't I?  I really am not.  This is the reality of my life with MS and it's not horrible.  I am writing about it lest people think I don't struggle so it's easy for me to view MS as a blessing,  not as a curse.  But as difficult as my life can get, I honestly DO feel so blessed!  Do you know how many people in this world live in constant pain?  I am blessed that I am not one of them!  Do you know what Jesus suffered for my sake?  I am blessed to be loved so much!

So, as the kids get back to school next week, my husband goes back to work and I get the necessary quiet time so I can heal, I will continually praise the Lord for His tender mercies and bountiful blessings!