The Outcasts

I was never one of the “popular” kids in school. I had a long awkward phase and it took a long time for me to figure out where I fit in. I went to a private, Christian school from preschool through 12th grade. My parents sacrificed to send me and my sister there because they had made a commitment to the Lord. My graduating class was small - under 50 kids. When you go to a school like that, everyone knows who you are and everyone sees you as you make your way through every awkward phase of life. Some people breeze through adolescence without the outwardly awkward changes in body shape, skin (acne), make-up and hair experiments, etc. I wasn’t one of the lucky ones in this area. I was an ugly duckling and my classmates were unwilling to overlook (or forget) my awkward phases. Until late high school, my best friend was my next door neighbor (from an atheist family). All this meant that I was available when a new person enrolled in our school. The kids who fit in with the “popular” crowd were immediately accepted into that group but the kids who were there because they were kicked out of a previous school, for instance, and sent to our school to get a more positive influence in their lives, were shunned by the more popular kids. Being an outcast myself I was able to befriend some of these kids who did not seem to fit in anywhere.

One such “misfit” when I was in junior high was a girl who wore black leather, smelled of cigarettes and carried a small flask of alcohol with her at school. She confided many disturbing things to me about her life and I was able to witness to her. I sent her a subscription to a Christian teen magazine too and tried really hard to influence her for good. The “popular” kids wouldn’t talk to her but they ALL wanted to know her story so they would ask ME. I was so angry- they only wanted to gossip about her but didn’t really want to know her. She didn’t attend our school for very long - I think she was only there for one semester. This was before email, social media and cellphones and I lost all contact with her. This might have been her only opportunity to be reached for Christ and I was the ONLY one in our school willing to befriend her. Looking back, I am grateful for the opportunity to be a witness for Christ. I am thankful now that I was NOT one of the “popular” kids because I was able to be available to be used by God in a way I couldn’t have been if I had a group of “friends” to impress.

Since then I have tended to look for the people who are more on the fringe - outside the “popular” groups. I have found them to be more genuinely interested in developing meaningful relationships with people and they are genuinely grateful when someone shows an interest in them. Some of these people are actually IN the “popular” group but are seeking genuine friendship they are unable to find inside their “friend” group.

The Pharisees were the “popular kids” in Bible times. Always trying to impress others and unwilling to “defile” themselves by associating with the outcasts of society. Jesus was an outcast. He was a carpenter by trade. Many of his disciples were fishermen. One was a tax collector. Sunday school children have cute songs and hear sweet stories about Peter, James and John leaving their boats and becoming fishers of men. But if you really consider what the life of a fisherman is like you understand that it is a hard life - hard work, hard living and they become hard men. Brawling, fighting, cursing, partying in their off time, men who smell of fish and sweat and who are on the fringe of society. Jesus was able to reach them because they more clearly understood their desperate need of acceptance and love.

We have had many people walk through the doors of our church who were on the fringe, outcasts of society. How do we react to them? Do we greet them? Do we spend time trying to get to know them? Do we show them care and concern?

One Sunday morning several years ago a man stood up at our breaking of bread service and said that before the service had started a woman walked in to our church who said she had cancer and wanted to know how to be saved. She was one of the homeless people that used to hang around outside our church but this was her first time actually coming INSIDE. She was scared, probably an addict of some sort, but recognizing her time was short she was looking for hope. This man told us that he hadn’t had the time to spend really talking with her because the service was about to start and he didn’t want to be late. He used the story to illustrate some point that was lost on me because I couldn’t believe he would view being on time for a church service as more important then BEING the church and giving this poor lost soul enough of his time to at least tell her how to be saved. She left and never came back. Is it possible, as the above verse suggests, that she could have been an angel sent to test the practicality of our teaching? Are we practicing what we preach?

I decided after that to do my best to meet every visitor to our church and spend time getting to know them. And not just the first Sunday they visit- but to greet them and spend a few minutes talking with them on every Sunday they come until I know they are firmly established and have others to talk to. I also really try to be approachable and available when anyone needs to talk or a word of encouragement. We don’t have to make a big investment to make a big impact on the lives of others. And I have met some of the most interesting people! You should try it… maybe you’ll meet an angel.😉

Brace Yourself!

I have a foot drop on my left side. Essentially, my brain can no longer get a strong (or fast) enough signal down to my ankle to get it to keep my foot level when I am walking. My foot just flops when I lift it (and I can’t lift my leg high enough to compensate without looking ridiculously awkward) so my toe often drags and catches- even on smooth, even surfaces - and sometimes I fall. A year ago my neurologist recommended that I get this simple (and inexpensive) device to brace my left foot and keep the toe from dragging when I walk and greatly reducing my risk of tripping and falling. This advice came in the wake of a very serious tumble I had taken a few months prior to my appointment with him.

But I have always had this frustratingly hard head and I seem to have to learn things the hard way. I bought a cane for when I am going to do a lot of walking but no brace. I discovered that a cane does nothing to prevent me from tripping. It might keep me from falling sometimes but I can still trip.

My neurologist also suggested I do stretching and strength training exercises to help strengthen my legs which would also help me catch myself in the event I trip and start to fall. But I didn’t do that either and now my legs are much weaker than they were a year ago and it is MUCH more difficult for me to motivate myself to exercise.

My doctor repeated his advice at my visit with him this year. And this time I immediately went home and ordered the brace for my foot. It’s easy to use and it keeps my foot from catching- even keeps it level going up and down the stairs.

I have learned a lot about humility and trust in this past year. Yes, I trust in the protection of the Lord. But I have learned more about how little I can be trusted. I have learned that I have no control over anything- I can’t even make my ankle move the way I want it to. I trust God to give me the strength and energy to meet the challenges each day presents. But I realize more and more that I am not doing my part to keep myself in the best shape possible to be as effective as I would otherwise be. If I am serious about my commitment to follow the leading of the Lord in my life regardless of the opposition I face, I need to make sure my body is up to the task just as I equip myself with the armor of God and make sure I am spiritually strong.

This is not easy for me to admit. I am not the kind of person who easily accepts help. I don’t like to burden others and I don’t like to admit weakness. MS is a very humbling disease. And it is exactly what I needed in my life to shape me into the mold God has planned for my life.

Comforting Whisper

On Monday night my phone suddenly went black.  I got it working again and then it kept restarting and it was obvious it was not going to last much longer.   It had been dropped too many times and the case is warped.  I got it working the next day but it's just a matter of time before it becomes unusable so we will be replacing our phones this week.   One more thing on my list for the week!

Tuesday morning my husband left on a trip and I got the kids off to school and then I had to get started on my grocery shopping right away- and had to drop in to the Verizon store to do some information gathering so we would be prepared to replace our phones when my husband got back from his trip.   I had just enough time after that to get home, get the groceries put away and sit down for 20 minutes with a cup of coffee and my Bible.   At that moment,  my husband called- he had about 10 minutes to talk before taking off and we discussed what I found out at the Verizon store.   Then I had to leave to volunteer at my son's school.  I stopped by the thrift store on my way home and discovered my friend there had quit her job.  Fortunately,  I can still stay in touch with her via text.  Finally, I got home, had lunch and got my Bible reading done.   I much prefer to get my time with the Lord in before the craziness of my day begins but that's not always possible.   After I picked the kids up from school we dropped off their backpacks and headed out to visit our 98 year old friend that I have mentioned before.   We had an awesome visit with him and left uplifted and encouraged as usual- I LOVE visiting with him and his family.   I always learn something fascinating!  We got home, had dinner and then I baked a cake for my sister's birthday celebration.   Then I packed the kids' lunches.  After I got my son to bed, my daughter and I stayed up too late talking but we don't get much one-on-one time so it was a sweet sacrifice of my sleep.

Wednesday morning I finished up my grocery shopping after dropping the kids off at school,  washed the kids' bedding,  and started my Bible reading but couldn't finish before I had to leave for my annual neurology visit.   That visit and associated lab work took 2 hours.  I got home at about 1pm and I had only an hour and a half to finish my Bible reading,  finish getting the kids' bedding done and beds made, make frosting and frost the cake I had baked the day before, fill out a birthday card and get everything packed up and ready to pick the kids up from school. Straight from school my son had a counseling appointment and after that we went to my Mom's house to celebrate my sister's birthday.   My Mom had also had surgery that day to remove a cyst from her finger so I wanted to check in on her too.  It was a fun evening but we got home later than I had hoped - especially since I had gone to bed so late the night before and I had to get everything put away,  the kids to bed and pack lunches before heading to bed myself- again,  too late!

This morning I had to get the kids out to school,  round up and take out the garbage and finally, I got to sit down,  with nothing on my plate, and just spend some much- needed time with the Lord.  

And this is the first passage I read:

‭‭I Kings‬ ‭19:11‭-‬13‬

Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord  passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord  was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord  was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord  was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

I just started CRYING!  On my way home from dropping the kids off at school this morning I had remembered that today I'd the National Day of Prayer.   I was talking to the Lord and telling Him that I had been so busy and distracted and was so tired that the Holy Spirit wad going to have to intercede for me in prayer today.   And the Lord just whispered powerfully to me this morning- just immediately calmed me and re-directed my thoughts.   Brought my focus and attention back to Him and wrapped me up in His loving and powerful arms and said "What are you doing here, Darla?"  All I could do was just cry!

My husband will be home soon and we will dash out the door to get our phones replaced before I have to pick the kids up from school and then work on dinner.  But I recognize my NEED for daily quiet time with the Lord - time that is not rushed or crammed in to fit my schedule.   This is what I was talking about in my last post - the reduction in activity and chaos that MS has brought into my life.  The ability to structure most of my days to allow for my necessary communion with God - my Rock.  And on the days when life attacks me and drags me around by the scruff of my neck, I miss out on the whisper of God.  I need to try not to let that happen very often!

Guaranteed

I want to start with a few thoughts on a passage in Ephesians that grabbed my attention yesterday morning:

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:13‭-‬14‬ ‭- In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory.

Ephesians chapter 1 is so rich with spiritual truths about the work Jesus Christ accomplished for us so that we only have to accept His free gift - a secure future in Heaven - by admitting our sins and failures, asking for forgiveness and believing that Jesus paid the penalty for those sins by dying on the cross and that He destroyed death by raising Himself from the dead and is alive in Heaven today - Savior, King, Lord, Friend.  

But the way we KNOW our spot in Heaven is reserved is that Jesus sent us a guarantee.  The Holy Spirit is inside of every true believer.  He is the voice inside our hearts that convicts us, motivates us and teaches us how to live in a way that is pleasing and honoring to the Lord. The Holy Spirit also intercedes for us with the Father when we are overwhelmed and don't know what to say.  

All of Ephesians Chapter 1 was read at our Breaking of Bread service (also called the Remembrance Meeting or Worship Meeting). The purpose of this meeting is to remember, contemplate, meditate on and celebrate Christ’s death and resurrection and to thank, praise and worship Him for loving us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice for us - to save us from eternal death and punishment. There were many verses emphasized out of this passage yesterday morning but not verses 13 & 14. However, as soon as these verses were read, it’s as if Jesus spoke directly to my heart - “Here’s proof you will join me in Heaven one day. I gave you the Holy Spirit and He guarantees your reservation.”

I have had this promise on my mind since then. And this morning, 2 of the devotionals I read brought out this exact same thought! The Lord is so gracious and is such a loving Savior! I wasn’t doubting my salvation, but He loves me and it seems He wanted to make sure I feel it. His love is guaranteed!

And now, I want to share a few other things with you. Last week was our daughter’s Spring Break. She had been begging all week to go visit the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. Last year she went with her friends at the tail end of April and the flowers were mostly wilted and spent. It was her first visit to the Tulip Festival and it was somewhat disappointing. Our daughter is such a flower lover! She has adored flowers from the time she could toddle over and smell them. She had a perpetually yellow nose when the flowers were in bloom from smelling every flower she could reach. She never really played with dolls - her favorite toys were plush flowers with bendy stems and smiling faces. She has a collection of “stuffed” flowers and at one point she had given them all names. She has a favorite one though and she carried that one with her everywhere she went when she was younger. She even took it with her to summer camp! So it’s no surprise she wanted to visit a field of flowers over her Spring Break.

We decided the best day to go would be Thursday, after she was mostly healed up from her oral surgery and after a few sunny and dry days so the fields wouldn’t be muddy. It was also supposed to be the best weather day of the week and, that day was also our 26th wedding anniversary 😊. It was beautiful and we got lots of great pictures! Our sweet daughter made sure we had beautiful anniversary pictures too.

Thursday morning I was reading my Bible before we left for the Tulip Festival and the first verse I read was Isaiah 40:8 - The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God will stand forever.

What a fitting verse to read that morning! It was something I kept thinking about throughout the day as we admired the beautiful fields of colorful tulips that would fade away in a matter of weeks.

Speaking of our anniversary, I have officially been married for half my life😁. We went to a nice dinner on Friday evening and then a walk on the beach down to the water where we watched a beautiful sunset and picked up a few shells. Another beautiful day and so many reminders of our amazing Creator!

And I hate to bust up the lovely pictures I just painted but there was a LOT of walking and other activity going on during the last 2 days last week and my husband and I were BOTH so tired by Saturday that we ended up taking a long nap together 🤣! I was so thankful to have a day to rest with no big plans before church on Sunday. I don’t like to start any day out fatigued but I especially don’t like being tired on Sunday mornings because when I’m fatigued, I yawn through the service which looks rude and like I'm bored.  

The reality of my situation is that everything special and fun takes energy - physical,  mental, emotional... even the positive experiences take a toll.  I have to plan for the fun but also for a period of rest afterward.   The amount of rest needed depends on how much energy was expended.  It's kind of a bummer that I can't jam-pack my days with activities when I have active teens and a husband who travels for a living.   But honestly,  when my schedule was that busy in my healthy youth,  I was sick more frequently,  had regular migraines and no time to truly enjoy the activities I loaded my schedule with.  I still feel that MS is a blessing that forces time for rest and a slower pace to enjoy living my life.

Another thing I want to mention briefly is that May 1 is the National Day of Prayer.  I want to call it to your attention early in case it isn't already on your radar.  Not only are the people around us in desperate need but our nation, states, counties, schools and local governments need LOTS of focused, intense prayer.   I have a prayer list alarmingly long just of friends and family members with serious concerns.  I urge you to pray continually for the needs of everyone around you - some of whom will likely never tell you what their needs are.  But on May 1, in addition to those prayers,  pray for our church leaders - pastors, elders and deacons; pray for our missionaries taking risks daily to bring the Gospel to people around the world; pray for our elected officials,  for our judges and for school boards across our country; and most of all, pray for a spiritual awakening and revival throughout our nation - and around the globe.

We have busy, complicated lives.   But don't let your daily life cut in to your prayer life or get in the way of your testimony.  We want everyone to have a reservation in Heaven- confirmed by the Holy Spirit within them, don't we?

Sensory Overload!

When I was first diagnosed with MS I did a lot of reading.   I read several articles, forums and blog posts that advised that I not be defined by my illness.  I HAVE MS but I am NOT MS.  And there's wisdom and truth in that but if I am being honest (and I try to be),  MS may not define me but it is always going to be a part of my identity.   My son once told me when we were discussing a future cure for MS that "If you didn't have MS, you wouldn't be you."  And he is right.  I would be a different version of myself.  I have limitations that I must acknowledge but I have a unique perspective on life that can be a strength if properly applied.  People who interact with me need to know that I have MS and what that means so that they have an idea of what to expect from me and how to effectively pray for me.  MS is a part of who I am, like it or not, and I must accept all the challenges that brings into my life.

So, this brings me to the point of this post.  MS causes me to be overwhelmed much more easily than I was before.   In my last post I mentioned multiple serious prayer requests that piled up in a matter of a couple of days but what I didn't know at the time was that there would be many more to come.

The most recent one came yesterday.  A girl in her 20's that attended our church off and on over this past year had been mercilessly tortured by our enemy (Satan) for years -  anyone at the chapel who knew her understood she was struggling with real demons. But Jesus pursued her and captured her heart. She was saved - I was there when it happened. But the enemy was extremely unhappy about it and last night I got word that she passed away a few days ago- her sister found her body in her apartment on Monday. I didn't know her well but I am deeply troubled.  No one else in her family is saved and now she is no longer here to be a witness to them.  But she is at peace in the arms of Jesus so I at least have comfort in that knowledge. 

I had a headache that kept me awake all night.  It is not ideal for anyone to lose a night's sleep but when you have MS, you REALLY NEED all the sleep you can get.  I ran through my list of prayer requests (which now included the unsaved family and friends of this girl from our church who passed away unexpectedly) multiple times last night.  I prayed all night.  Sometimes the Lord allows our hearts to be troubled.   Sometimes people need prayer in the middle of the night and God keeps us awake to pray for them.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.   I don't know who on my prayer list was struggling last night but they were covered by prayer.

And this morning I got a timely text from someone who was thinking about and praying for ME!!!  The Lord is so good!  He knew I would need the strength only He could provide to get me through this day after a restless night.  He knew I would be overwhelmed by all the needs of the people around me and He provided help for me so I could continue to stand in intercessory prayer when I am emotionally and physically exhausted.   

I kind of feel like Moses in Exodus 17 with someone on each side of me holding up my arms while the Lord fights the battles I bring to His feet.  

Praise God for His unspeakable gifts!!!

It's Easter! And I'm So Tired!

It doesn't feel like we are this close to Easter.   I am too tired to really enjoy all the preparation I have been putting in.  I started early but I have just put a plan together bit by bit over a couple of months and I haven't spent any significant chunk of time considering our Easter celebration. 

Yet, this is the first year I have spent truly considering the events each day of "Holy Week" that Jesus walked through and that led up to His crucifixion and ultimately to His victorious resurrection on Easter Sunday.   It has been an emotional week in that regard. 

It has been an emotional week in other regards as well.  My last post outlined a few if the communications I had received requesting prayer.  The requests continued. And my list of serious prayer requests is even longer.   But there were some major praises mixed in as well so it has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and that has been exhausting. 

Today I woke up tired.  I took a shower and thought "How am I ever going to be ready for Easter tomorrow if I'm already so tired?"  And then I sat down with the Lord, my Bible and a journal and by the time I was done I felt stronger.  I made myself some coffee after that and when I was done drinking my coffee I got into the kitchen and spent the rest of the day preparing fruit and coffee cake for the Easter breakfast at church; preparing a ham, peeling and cutting up potatoes,  making jello, cleaning and snapping green beans,  etc. for Sunday dinner; and fixing lunch in the middle of it all. By 3pm I had finished the bulk of the Easter preparations but it still doesn't feel like I am ready. 

Ready or not, Easter will be here tomorrow and it's time for me to get some sleep.   I pray tomorrow will bring blessings on each person who reads this blog post.  Abd also on those who don't read it!

HE IS RISEN!!!

Retreat

Our church has a weekend retreat every year.  My husband and I went once long before we had children and had since considered going almost every year but hadn't quite been able to make it work... until this year.  This year I took the kids to the church retreat even though my husband wasn't going to be able to make it.

The retreat is at a camp that our church owns and runs with several other sister churches.  It is located on Whidbey Island so it is truly a get-away retreat.   One of the organizers told me they worked hard to make sure everyone felt like they were able to relax and enjoy fellowship with one another without the stress of responsibilities at home to burden them - a TRUE retreat.  And for us at least, it WAS a much-needed break from routine and a fun way for my son to end his spring break.  It was so nice to have meals all planned and to just sit and eat without having to prepare food or clean up afterward.  

The games were fun and the free time was relaxing.  The speaker was engaging and the fellowship was sweet and not rushed as it often is on Sunday mornings. 

I didn't realize until yesterday how much I was going to NEED that retreat and the rest it provided!  Yesterday I jumped right into the fray... actually, the fray jumped on ME!

I had my annual MRI yesterday morning and normally I would talk about how much I love MRIs and how amazing my radiology tech is and one of these days I WILL post about that but right after I got into the car after my MRI I got a text from a friend needing to talk.  I called her and we talked about some very serious concerns and, while I won't go in to further detail, I will say it is a VERY serious matter that requires VERY sincere and focused prayer.   As soon as we hung up from that conversation I got a call from my husband's cousin with a distressing report about his dad's (my husband's uncle) health.  He is 90 years old and lost his wife a year and a half ago.  He has been living with severe vertigo and has had an aortic aneurysm for 30 years that has suddenly started growing.   He needs surgery but is refusing it but was told he probably wouldn't survive it anyway.   There's another option that is being considered but the doctor isn't available until next week to meet with him about it.  In the meantime,  his aneurysm could burst at any moment,  causing instant death.  He's ready to go home to be with Jesus.  He's tired, dizzy, in pain and lonely.   He and his kids need prayer!  

My Mom had a consultation with a surgeon yesterday about getting a cyst removed from her finger (surgery is scheduled for later this month), a friend from church is having a CT scan today to determine whether his cancer treatment was effective,  my daughter is having all 4 of her wisdom teeth removed tomorrow and my husband has another cousin who is having cataract surgery on Thursday. 

In addition, I stopped at the thrift store this afternoon and my friend who works there is home with a sore throat. I have a list of other things I have been praying about that include another friend undergoing cancer treatment,  a friend who had surgery after piece of metal shot into his eye and is recovering,  a neighbor who recently had shoulder surgery,  an aunt who recently had carpel tunnel surgery,  an uncle who had hernia surgery and will be going in for a hip replacement in a couple of weeks, an aunt who is struggling with her eyesight and serious back pain, an aunt battling alzheimers, etc.   These only scratch the surface of my prayer list- I have so many dear friends that I am praying for and I will tell you that I am SO glad that I have practiced being in constant prayer because I need to be in continual prayer now, more than ever!

This morning I received another text from a dear friend asking for prayer about a couple of her own situations.  And this afternoon I got a text from a dear missionary friend that was just a picture of her husband laying (smiling) in a hospital bed with a hospital gown on and an IV in his arm but no text so I don't know any details but have been praying for them too!

The Lord knew I was going to need to rest up this past weekend!  Yes, He knows about all our needs but He expects us to do our part by ASKING Him for His help - for His wisdom, understanding, power, strength, discernment and all for His glory.  I am not able to fix anything or anyone's circumstances.   But I know who can and I bring every request to His feet and am watching His miraculous ways!  I am seeing His hand working miracle after miracle- watching His perfect timing orchestrating every moment and bringing about incredible blessings I wish I could share with you!  But you will just have to trust me.😉

Pray continually!  And be sure to take a rest now and then.😁