Adjustments

I love my children! They are such gifts and they bring me so much joy!

There was a time when summer breaks were much more difficult- as the kids went through their “no” phases and sneaky phases and they were too young to help out around the house in any significant way I would be exhausted at the end of the summer and would be ready for school to start. The kids were constantly asking to do things and go places - parks were frequent destinations but so were mall play areas and often just fun outside in our own neighborhood jumping in puddles. All fun but also a lot of work for me- planning out destinations, meals, snacks, driving, keeping watch and playing with them as they explored new places, and the clean-up afterwards (especially after puddle jumping). I enjoyed every moment of it and watching the kids have fun together more than made up for the work associated with a given activity. But I was ready for them to go back to school when September rolled around.

Things are different now. The kids are older and capable of entertaining themselves when necessary. They can get their own snacks and, if I’m feeling weak and fatigued, they can fix family meals and clean up afterward too. My daughter has her driver’s license now so she can get herself to birthday parties and friend hangouts and I don’t need to be there to supervise because she has made good choices in selecting friends and is responsible. The kids have taken on most of the household chores between the two of them too and they are not only a huge help but they are fun to be around.

So when my daughter went back to school on Tuesday, I wasn’t ready. She packs her own lunches now and she drives herself to school and back. I am watching her develop into a responsible, independent young woman and it’s AWESOME! But also I am having to make adjustments in my habits and thinking and I’m having to let go little by little.

Change can be sort of unsettling and I have to make adjustments or my children won’t be able to “adult” as they say these days - as if it’s a verb.

My son starts school today and I don’t know which of us is dreading it more! He doesn’t enjoy school the way I did when I was a kid. He is a procrastinator and he struggles to focus in class when the material is uninteresting- which, honestly, is MOST of what schools teach. The point of school is really to learn the mechanics of how to study, how to meet deadlines, how to do your best work, how to write legibly, how to read and comprehend the material you are reading, how to work with others (those in authority and your peers), time management, organizational skills, critical thinking, self advocacy and work ethic. The actual details of a particular book you might read in English are not important in adulthood. You should gain some basic knowledge of how things work and how history impacts the future but you will forget the nitty gritty details like dates important battles happened, etc. Basic math is important but higher levels of math aren’t unless you go in to a field that uses it like engineering or math teacher. But I digress…

I like it better when my kids are home. Our home is just happier with them in it and I know my time with them is limited. My daughter has only 2 years of high school left and then she’s off to college. My son has only 5 years of school left. I want to soak up every experience I can with them because I know it won’t last.

Just as things have changed as they have gotten older, taller and more capable, more adjustments will need to be made as they gain in responsibility and march toward independence.

I feel less prepared for this school year than ever before. I’m not ready! But I had better GET ready because it’s here and there’s no stopping it!

I reminds me of a song that makes me cry every time I hear it called “Slow Down.” The lyrics are:

"Slow Down"

https://youtu.be/clcNB_EUao8

Here's to you

You were pink or blue

And everything I wanted

Here's to you

Never sleeping through

From midnight till the morning

Had to crawl before you walked

Before you ran

Before I knew it

You were trying to free your fingers from my hand

'Cause you could do it on your own now

Somehow

Slow down

Won't you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it's all too fast

Let's make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

Here's to you

Every missing tooth

Every bedtime story

Here's to Barbie cars, light saber wars

Sleeping in on Sunday

Had to crawl

Before you walked

Before you ran

Before I knew it

You were teaching me

The only thing love can

Hold hands through it

When it's scary, you've got me

Slow down

Won't you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it's all too fast

Let's make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

Please don't roll your eyes at me

I know I'm embarrassing

But someday you'll understand

You'll hold a little hand

Ask them if they can...

Oh oh ho Oooh

'Cause it's all too fast

Oh oh ho Oooh

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can

Somehow

Slow down

Slow down

But time doesn’t slow down and nothing is going to wait until I’m ready. I made a deal with my son when he was little that if he would just stay little, I wouldn’t get old. He was struggling with the idea that I would get old and die some day. But, just like a disobedient child, he got bigger - so I have gotten older because he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain!😂😉

Be Careful…

In Sunday School we learned a song that I carry with me today:

Be careful little eyes what you see,

Oh be careful little eyes what you see,

For the Father up above, He is looking down in love,

So be careful little eyes what you see.

The other verses are similar:

Be careful little ears what you hear…

Be careful little hands what you do…

Be careful little feet where you go…

This weekend my thoughts began to focus on the verse of this song that says Be careful little mouth what you say…

We went to a wedding on Saturday. It was a simple wedding and the focus was on Jesus first and the happy couple second. The entire ceremony, including the venue, was designed to be a testimony to many unsaved wedding guests. It was a beautiful, God-honoring wedding and I pray it touched hearts and that some might be saved as a result of the clear message of the Gospel woven throughout the wedding ceremony. The couple was very intentional about what was being spoken to the attendees.

At the wedding, my daughter overheard someone from our church disparaging another member of our church. A critical remark that had no place in any conversation amongst believers. After we talked about how inappropriate and out of place that conversation was, I felt immediate conviction. I had to stop and confess that I have been similarly careless in conversations before. We are ALL guilty of this at times. We have ALL participated in conversations like this and we have ALL overheard conversations like this. This critical spirit is running rampant in our society and it is corrupting our churches. We have to be SO careful about what we say. We have no idea who is listening. We have no idea how many times our words will be repeated to others. We can so quickly usher in a spirit of discouragement through our careless conversations. And we destroy our credibility by the things we choose to talk about - our words betray our hearts. “… For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”Matthew‬ ‭12‬:‭34‬ “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4‬:‭23‬ ‭

Aside from preservation of our testimony among unbelievers, we need to be mindful of our attitudes toward our brothers and sisters in Christ and the example we are showing to the younger generation of believers. I have a suggestion. When someone’s habits irritate you, don’t express that irritation to anyone except the Lord. Pray for the person you are frustrated by and pray about your attitude toward that person. Then, find something praiseworthy about that frustrating person and share THAT instead. Maybe even go so far as to send the person a quick note of encouragement. This is how we defeat the critical spirit that Satan has planted among us.

In addition, we have the Holy Spirit living inside us. He sees and hears everything we see, hear and say. A speaker at our church really drove this home one Sunday this summer. What are we exposing the Holy Spirit to at any given moment? Are we grieving Him with our chosen conversations? Are we building each other up as we fellowship with other believers?

We need to guard our hearts and constantly evaluate our own thoughts and attitudes in order to effectively represent Christ.

Be careful little mouth what you say…

I Survived the Fair!!

Our area has 2 State Fairs every year. The biggest is the Washington State Fair in Puyallup. As a kid, our school took us to enjoy the fair right at the beginning of every school year! Younger kids toured the animal barns and all the produce displays, etc and reported back on things like how much the biggest pumpkin weighed and how many varieties of cows were there, etc. Older grades had more freedom to roam the fair and ride the rides. My sister and I started a tradition in high school of taking a series of pictures together in the Photo Booth. We continued the annual tradition of attending the Washington State Fair and getting our Photo Booth pictures well into adulthood.

But Puyallup is quite a drive from where we live and the traffic has gotten so much worse! Parking near the fair became difficult to find and quite expensive as well. So we stopped going to the fair.

Then I got married and had children of my own. When they were old enough, I started taking the kids to the other local State Fair - the Evergreen State Fair in Monroe. It’s a smaller fair and it’s closer to where we live. This fair starts at the end of August and runs into the first couple of days in September- just before the fair in Puyallup opens. I think probably most people prefer the bigger, more widely known and advertised fair but for younger kids or for people with disabilities and/or limited energy like me the smaller fair and very close disabled parking lot is perfect! It’s just as fun and easier to navigate!

This has become a fun final hoorah before the beginning of the school year. I used to be able to keep up with the kids. When my son was really young he used to just take off running in whatever direction fascinated him and to keep him safe and to avoid losing him to the crowds, I had to chase after him. Thankfully, I was able to stay on his heels and keep him from getting lost or hurt.

The fair is a different experience now than it was when the kids were young. My sister used to come with me to help with the kids because they couldn’t go on any of the rides without an adult and I was already having a little difficulty with balance so the REALLY aggressive rides were not ones I could go on. In addition, my young son was either not tall enough or not brave enough for the rides his older sister wanted to try so I really needed another adult!

As the kids got older, taller and braver and my sister and I got older and less able to tolerate spinning rides, the kids could ride most rides together and didn’t need an adult. But there were several rides my son (who has a fear of heights and hates being upside down) refused to go on with his more adventuresome older sister. So, I started inviting a friend for our daughter to bring to the fair - a ride buddy if you will. Each year for 3 or 4 years in a row we brought one of her friends.

The last couple of years have been a very different experience. My daughter has a whole group of friends who make plans to meet at the fair.

Last year I let my daughter roam around on her own with her friends while I rode some of the rides with my son. There were still rides I couldn’t do but my daughter and some of her amazing friends were willing to ride some of the more dizzying rides with him.

This year, we met my daughter’s friends at the fair and it was my son who wanted to invite a friend. I didn’t ride ANY rides because at this point it’s just too hard for me and I don’t recover well (Which is also why my sister stopped coming to the fair with us). But, as my abilities have diminished, my children’s abilities have grown to the point that they don’t need me as much. And that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to work.😁

That doesn’t make the fair experience easy for me. When the kids were younger, they tired out easier and were ready to go home after a few hours. Starting last year though, the kids now want to spend the entire day at the fair and don’t want to leave until it closes at 10pm.

This year I was responsible for my son’s friend too who is autistic and has ADHD as well as a sensory processing disorder. My son has a touch of all of that but not nearly to the level of his friend. But the bigger challenge for me was that my son didn’t want to go on all the rides his friend did so I had to keep coordinating with my daughter and her friends who were also sweet to ride those rides with him. Also, his mom told me that he might not want to stay at the fair until it closed so his dad was on standby to come get him if he got overwhelmed. So I needed to keep an eye on him and make sure he was doing okay. He rode almost every ride. I was impressed by his stamina! He finally had enough and called his dad to come get him. He left at a little after 6pm - 7 hours after we got there so I’d say he did pretty well given his health challenges!

One thing I MUST celebrate though is that this friend of my son did something truly amazing at the fair that day - something to be excited about. His family has a confusing spiritual background. His mom was raised Catholic but converted to Mormonism after reconnecting with her Mormon mother (she was raised by her Catholic aunt). His dad was raised Mormon. They attended a Mormon “church” when their kids were little but their oldest, and only son (this friend of our son) screamed through every service so they stopped attending (thankfully). They identify as Christians but I had an honest conversation with his mom about some of the big differences between a Christian and a Mormon.

This friend has told my son in the past that he doesn’t really believe in God. But every year at the fair we stop at the booth where people do a “salvation test” and hand out gospel tracts, candy and New Testament Bibles. Well, I prepared them ahead of time as I waited for my son and his friend to meet me near that booth. Once they arrived and after going through the whole gospel presentation and reading it aloud for himself, they asked him if he wanted to pray that prayer and ask Jesus to forgive him and he said YES!!!😃. They gave him a New Testament Bible with the date in it and had him write his name in it and encouraged him to read it - starting with the book of John. I hope and pray it was impactful for him and genuine. It is REALLY hard to tell with him. He doesn’t talk much and he doesn’t show much emotion. But it was so encouraging that he didn’t reject the message and seemed genuinely interested in hearing it!

We had been praying about how we could find ways to speak God’s truth to this boy and his family but I honestly hadn’t even remotely considered that he might find Jesus at the fair! I didn’t seek this opportunity out either. It was the Lord’s doing all the way. I was waiting near a ride for the boys to meet me and there was a bench nearby that I was sitting at. I noticed the “Jesus booth” and knew my son would want to spin their prize wheel as he has done every year. I didn’t approach them but when I stood to see if the boys were coming, the men at the booth reached out to me and I told them about our friend who needed Jesus. They were primed and ready when the boys arrived and I was blown away that the Lord so obviously was chasing after this boy - to save him.

That seems like it should be the whole point to this post! But there’s more so bear with me!

I really struggled this year because it was over 85 degrees and I have just this summer started feeling some of that heat intolerance MS patients are prone to. For me, it fatigues me and makes my legs feel heavy - like they each weigh a hundred pounds.

I thought I had to follow my son and his friend around because this was his friend’s first time hanging out with a friend without at least one of his parents with him. So for about 2 hours I went everywhere they did until I just needed to sit down. I decided it was lunchtime. My son’s friend wasn’t hungry and kept asking if he could just go on the rides by himself. So I texted his mom and she said it was fine. So he took off and that gave me little more freedom to get the rest I needed. My son WAS hungry so he sat with me and ate lunch. 🙂

We have a policy in our family that our children don’t get cell phones until they start high school. So our son does not have a phone, making it important that I know where he is - unless he is with someone who has a phone. Thankfully, his friend has a phone and I had gotten the number from his mom. That made it so much easier to let them go off by themselves. Normally, I would say that waiting until high school to trust a child with a phone has benefits that far outweigh the inconvenience at times. But having MS, I can definitely understand why it would be necessary, in certain circumstances, to give younger children a phone - as long as there are age appropriate restrictions and they are taught how to properly use and care for their phones. Our son has only a year left before high school and his friend is in the same grade - and I was grateful for a way to contact the boys at the fair this week!

After his friend left, my son and I traveled the length of the fair as he went from ride to ride. I found convenient benches and he rode alone. Only once did he need to have our daughter ride with him because the ride required two passengers per seat.

The sun started to set and the temperature cooled down, thankfully! At almost 10pm there was one final ride my son wanted to go on - a giant slide located near the exit. As we approached the ride we found my daughter and all her friends hanging out on a couple of benches. I told them I had passed a food vendor giving away food if people were willing to sing a song for the crowd. 6 of the 8 teens rushed off to sing while my son went on his last ride. At 10pm, we were all ready to go home but the singing teens had to wait in a long line before they could perform their songs. They came back to the gate smiling and happy. Another group of unrelated teens sang to my daughter and her friends and the two groups left singing - songs prompted by my son, of all people! He was singing with them which is something he rarely does - even in church.

In the parking lot the other group of teens asked my son to “knight” them with a pool noodle he had won in a contest. He happily obliged!🤣

It was probably the best fair experience yet. But for me it was also on of the worst. I had really struggled throughout the day. I know I had people praying for me because I was able to do it all and I have LOTS of pictures! That and also… I SURVIVED!

While there is Still Time!

We have a friend who is 98 years old. He can’t make it to church and he is really too frail to do much of anything except sit on the couch at his daughter’s house (where he now lives) all day and think about the past. He is bored. So, once a month I load the kids up to go visit him and give him a little change of routine. I also write letters to him so he has something to read when he is REALLY bored. 😉. We visited him this past week and, as always, we left encouraged and uplifted by our friend and we immediately started making plans to visit again next month.

When I mention at church that we have visited our favorite 98 year old or that we have plans to visit him, I often hear the same response - “Oh, I have been wanting to visit him!” Or “I have been meaning to visit him!” And yet, month by month we end up being the only visitors he has had. I have kept myself from responding with “Well, what are you waiting for? He’s not getting any younger!”

But our friend decided this morning that he wasn’t going to wait any longer for people to come to visit him. His son brought him to church today!! We were in shock but overjoyed!! My son saw him first and ran excitedly to tell his sister who followed him to his seat to talk with him. My son also came to find me to share the happy news! He was very popular because there were a number of people who had “meant to” visit him and now they had a convenient opportunity to check in and let him know they care. It was energizing for our church and encouraging to our friend.

I think that people often avoid visiting the elderly because they don’t know what to talk about - they don’t know how to relate to them and they are frankly afraid to try.

When my Dad had Parkinson’s and dementia, I was very aware that he couldn’t communicate with me the way he used to. In the end, he couldn’t communicate at all. But I visited him at least once, often twice, every week with and without my kids. My children were SO sweet and loving toward, not only my Dad, but the other residents at the memory care facility where he lived. He was the same person on the inside but he had lost the ability to outwardly express himself. I visited and visited and visited because we all needed these visits and because I knew our time was short.

Our time here on earth is short. We need to make sure we don’t neglect to encourage each other - especially those who can’t reach out on their own.

Our 98 year old friend called me once after receiving one of my letters - before we had started our monthly visits. He said “Come visit me! Come visit me! But if you don’t, I understand, because I didn’t visit people either when I could’ve.” Now that he can’t just get in the car and drive to church or a friend’s house, he recognizes the value and has regrets. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and have regrets about the way I treated my friends and family - even if I never get visitors myself.

I have started to notice who is missing on Sunday mornings and I send texts or emails to check in to let them know they were missed and to see if there is anything I can pray for. This afternoon I found out that 3 missing families are traveling so I can pray for their safety. I am already praying for 2 other families who I knew were going to be gone because they are out of the country visiting family. I also found out that one man was missing because he has pain in his teeth that kept him awake last night (he will try to get in to see a dentist this week) and a girl who was missing got up too late to come because she has a health issue that would be aggravated by the stress of rushing to get ready for church. These are things I can pray about - things I would not know if I hadn't reached out to ask.

I say all of this because I want to urge you not to wait to reach out and encourage someone who the Lord puts on your heart. The Spirit will nag you relentlessly for awhile but if you ignore Him long enough, His voice will go silent. Don’t quench the Spirit! Don’t wait to be an encouragement! Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)! You aren’t getting any younger either…

When the Spirit Moves

Please forgive another blog post so soon but something amazing happened today that I need to share - it’s thrilling and I am in awe!

Background information first. We have a family in our church that would not want to be identified so I will give no specifics here but they are dear friends of ours. They are the type of family who would drop everything to help ANYONE if they perceived a need. They are kind and generous people. They own a small business and they work extremely hard.

They often give gifts at random to our children and we have eaten dinner in their home. We can’t out-give them. Their hearts are too big and God has gifted them with such a generous spirit!

Because of their kindness, our daughter has been asking me all week if she could go surprise them at their shop with iced drinks. They love surprise visits! But their shop is not near our home and our week was already all booked up with activities or chores. But my daughter persisted. She said she would pay for the drinks herself and would figure out how to get everything done in a way that would allow her the time to go. Finally, last night I found out that their whole family would not be at the shop because one of their children was leaving for camp. So I thought that was the end of the discussion and told her she could try again another time.

This morning our daughter, who is on the leadership team for her choir at school, had to join her choir in the classroom helping paint risers and make collages/posters. She came home in time for a late lunch but she had chores she needed to get done.

My son and I had been doing chores all morning and had more to do after lunch as well.

As we were eating lunch my daughter asked again about getting iced drinks for our friends if she got her chores done (she did a few of her bigger chores yesterday so today she had less than half of her chores left to do). I told her we’d see how things went but made no promises. She bounced off upstairs after lunch to fold laundry and gather up the garbage.

While she was folding clothes, I was supervising the dusting my son was doing upstairs when I got a text from our friend saying she had just gotten to the shop after her busiest day this summer running errands, preparing for the start of her daughter’s school year and going to a routine medical appointment. She sounded pretty tired and it was close to 2pm and her work in the shop was just beginning. Her husband had been doing all the work in the shop alone until she got there. They normally have help but not today.

I don’t always recognize the working of the Holy Spirit immediately. It’s usually VERY clear to me at the last minute that He has been orchestrating service opportunities but it usually has to be really obvious before I get the hint! My daughter seems to know way before I do how she can be used by God. And it’s awesome to be a part of!

I think you see where this is going! Once I got that text I immediately told my daughter that yes, absolutely, she could go bring this family some iced drinks on this stressful day for them. I told her, in fact, that she NEEDED to go. And when I found out, through texting with our friend, that they had so much work and no help, I told my daughter that they would not have time to stop and chat. Both of us came up with the same idea - she should offer to stay and help them and accept no payment.

I was not able to go with her because my son had been invited to swim, play video games and have dinner at a friend’s house at 4:30. This is another amazing story - this friend and his family need Jesus and my son has such a way with people that they just are drawn to his sweet and honest nature. He is unafraid when talking about his faith and I am praying a bubble of protection around him as he tries to be a good testimony before his Mormon friend.

And here I am, alone at home. Not being used by the Lord at all. Resting after a very busy couple of days and praying for my sweet children who I launched out into the world to be salt and light for Jesus! And I am basking in the amazing feelings of peace and gratitude and love for the Lord and for my children who love the Lord with all their hearts and who live out their faith in ways I could have never dreamed possible.

I am feeling so full of joy! It’s a feeling like no other. Being used by the Spirit of God to encourage others and draw others to Christ brings excitement and also a contentment and satisfaction that is unmatched by any other emotion. But when my children are the vessels the Lord is using, the feelings I experience are raised to a whole new level of joy!

And as a bonus, we had a really productive day! My energy held out and we all worked to get the house cleaned, the kids’ bedding washed and beds put back together, etc. I was able to accomplish everything on my list and the kids got all their chores done too so my husband will come home to a clean home tomorrow which will get our weekend off to a good start.😁

God is SO GOOD!!