How are you doing?

I really want to know - how are you doing? This week has been really emotional for me personally but also for our family and for a large portion of our country. We need to be looking out for each other so I am reaching out to you - how ARE you? Be honest.🙂

At the beginning of this week there was news of a young immigrant woman from Ukraine being stabbed to death on a train in her way home from work in an unprovoked attack. Absolutely senseless and sad and I saw her terrified face looking up at her attacker and I couldn’t bring myself to watch the video. The image stuck with me - I cried. That could happen to anyone at any time and it’s frightening. I calmed my heart by remembering that God has my life in His hands and He has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. I had open discussions with my children about the evil in this world and hugged them a little tighter. I prayed a little harder for their safety and for them to continue developing a closeness with the Lord which will lead them to use discernment and will protect their hearts and minds as they are bombarded by images and stories that are horrific and heart rending.

Wednesday morning I spent a chunk of time reading the blog of a woman I had never met. She was the sister of a friend who graciously passed a link to the blog on to me. This incredible woman chronicled her life and experiences as she fought late-stage cancer. Knowing the end of her story before reading about her journey is heartbreaking. I cried multiple times reading through her posts. I finally had to take a break and rejoice that she is no longer suffering here on earth but is pain-free and enjoying a wonderful life in heaven with Jesus who, as she wrote, climbed into bed with her and comforted her every night.

I stopped reading the blog and turned the TV on for a little mental break and, as I was flipping channels, I saw the shocking breaking news that Charlie Kirk had been shot doing what he did best - opening himself up for challenge and debate. He died from his injuries and I was in shock. Turns out he was killed because someone disagreed with his views but apparently didn’t have the courage to come to the microphone to have a discussion about it. Hate is an ugly thing. Again, I watched too much of the coverage and had to turn the TV off and just pray for comfort for everyone connected to him and especially for his wife and very young children. I thank the Lord that Charlie Kirk, an outspoken Christian and advocate for Christ, is in heaven - with my Dad, with my husband’s parents, with a variety of dear friends and family members who have passed into eternity, with the blogger I mentioned above, and most importantly, with his (and my) Savior- Jesus Christ.

Our family has had many discussions this week - allowing us and our children to express our thoughts and feelings surrounding this tragic week. My daughter and I were the most familiar with who Charlie Kirk was and what he stood for. But as my husband and son watched and read more about him and his life, they came to feel as strongly about his death as we did. He was out there living out his faith boldly and his example should be followed. His death should not silence our testimony out of fear. My son boldly went to school the next day and talked about it even though he faced criticism from people who were happy about the shooting. My husband had open and honest discussions with his first officer as events were unfolding that day and was able to make a difference in his world view.

Thursday was 9/11. My husband was on a trip and had to fly that day. He is an airline pilot who was supposed to fly on 9/11/01. He was on his way to the airport when the first plane hit the World Trade Center and our lives changed forever. A day we will never forget. 24 years later it remains a somber day of remembrance. Our son watched a video in his history class this week of an interview with a first responder that day who not only lost his entire family, but had the heartbreak of having saved 12 people from the burning buildings only to find out that every person he saved was killed when the buildings collapsed.

Friday morning I woke up and my husband reported the news that the man who killed Charlie Kirk had been arrested and I prayed for his salvation. I prayed for the salvation of every person who celebrated the death of a human being whose only crime was being a vocal advocate for Christ and for the free exchange of ideas in the form of public debate. And Friday evening, our family watched Charlie Kirk’s distraught but emboldened widow speak to a nation in shock.

I had to tune out the noise. I had to run to God - the source for all peace and comfort. The first devotional I read Friday morning was one put out by In Touch Ministries. It was titled “Unrighteousness Anger” and it was on-point and timely during this tumultuous time in history. I am pasting a link here so you can read it for yourself when you have the time:

https://www.intouch.org/read/daily-devotions/unrighteous-anger-2

The verse above and those following were also verses that peppered my reading Friday morning:

So, it was an emotional week. I don’t think it is an accident that our church is studying the gospel of John or that our sermon just this past Sunday was on John chapter 17 which emphasizes the deep, deep love the Father has for us as believers as well as for the unsaved people in this world.

And yesterday, I experienced what I hope is going to be repeated over and over again throughout this country. A man on a bike tapped on my car window as I sat in my car getting ready to head home. I cracked my window open and he asked me if I believed in God! I very enthusiastically said “yes!” and we had a brief talk. He said that if I had said “no” he was going to give me a little booklet that presented the gospel and showed it to me. He told me his name and I told him mine. He was saved in 2004 and is originally from Zimbabwe. I said “Praise the Lord!” and he rode away. This kind of thing happens to me from time to time and it is such an encouragement! It is God’s reminder that He is still here, His Spirit is still alive and working, and His love is as strong as it ever was.

I am sure your week held its’ own challenges. If you want to post an anonymous comment, I WILL pray for you. Or, if you know me, you can send me a text or email. We must be open to the needs around us and we must intercede for each other in prayer so we will be strengthened as we endeavor to represent Christ in this hurting world.

So, how are you doing? Are you okay?

Can You Relate?

When I was young, I suffered from chronic migraines. We didn’t realize what was going on until I was well in to high school when I finally went to see a neurologist because my headaches were getting so bad and so frequent. I was diagnosed with migraines but I had other types of headaches as well. I had tension headaches, headaches from eye strain, headaches when I was low blood sugar… I carried a pharmacy of pain medication with me everywhere I went. A different type of medication for each type of headache.

My migraines increased in frequency as I got older. I wasn’t sleeping and in college I missed several classes because of my headaches. One evening I missed a group project meeting and then class the next day because I had a bad migraine. One girl in my group was really angry and very unsympathetic. She felt I should have been able to push through the pain and nausea to participate in our group project. She bad-mouthed me in class the next day while I was absent. But a week or two later, I got a phone call from the angry girl from my group. She had a migraine. She was suffering and didn’t have any medicine because she hadn’t had a migraine in several years - thought she had “outgrown” them and didn’t remember how bad they were. She apologized to me for being insensitive and asked if I would be willing give her some of my migraine medication to help alleviate her symptoms. Of course I went straight to her dorm room to deliver the medicine for which she was exceedingly grateful. I wouldn’t wish a migraine on my worst enemy and some of you can relate! Some of my friends get some form of headache almost daily. I have been there.

My migraines started to come less frequently as I got older but still I was getting them at least once a month for years. I used all my sick days on migraine recovery.

Ultimately, for me, apparently my migraines were caused by my unique hormone balance which was disrupted by my first pregnancy and now I rarely experience migraines- maybe once or twice a year - just often enough to remind me of what it was like to be in that kind of chronic pain. If you have never had a migraine, count your blessings! The thing that is unique to migraines is that you generally get some kind of warning that it’s coming on. For me it starts with a blurring of one area of my vision- not overly obvious but it just looks like a piece of the picture I’m seeing is missing. Then, this tiny flashing light appears in one eye and it grows until my vision is almost completely blocked by these flashing lights which get bigger and bigger until they finally vanish from my field of view. It takes about half an hour for that eye sign to run its’ course and a half hour after that is when the pain begins. The key to pain reduction is getting medication down the hatch as soon as an eye sign develops. If you wait too long, your stomach freezes and is no longer capable of absorbing and distributing medication into your bloodstream. That’s where the nausea kicks in- once nausea begins, it’s too late for medication. Unlike a more run-of-the-mill headache, the pain and nausea are so intense (as are your sensitivity to light and sound) that you cannot function normally. Anything you might do to try to distract yourself from the pain only makes it worse and delays recovery. So, if you see someone at church or trying to function at work and they confide in you that they have a migraine- understand that they are suffering and making a Herculean effort to be there. Keep your voice down around them and give their brains some grace - they are not thinking clearly - it hurts too much.

I am thankful I do not suffer with this kind of pain anymore. But I will never forget what it was like to live with chronic pain. I would honestly rather have MS than chronic migraines- they are THAT debilitating. So, if you are suffering with headaches and migraines, I feel for you! I’ve been there.

My teen years and early twenties were challenging. Growing up I was never really great at anything. I liked school but I was an average student and I struggled through the awkward phases of puberty.

I loved singing but wasn’t good enough to get into the audition choir like I had hoped. I was a social person but didn’t really fit in with my peers at school or church so my closest friends were in my neighborhood or in the grade below me in school. I liked and played volleyball but wasn’t good enough to get onto the varsity team. My high school experience was a series of disappointments.

I was not naturally the person I am today. I was lonely, depressed, disappointed with life and in myself. My parents didn’t know how to help me and I felt unseen, unloved.

Add migraines to the mix and serious insomnia and I was exhausted, in pain and miserable.

I started having nightmares at a really young age. Scary (to me) nightmares about being chased by dinosaurs and a recurring nightmare about a wolf that was trying to eat me. I was probably 5 or 6 when my nightmares started. By high school my nightmares had become truly terrifying. Nightmares about being chased and stabbed or shot in the stomach. And then there were a series of nightmares where a shadow stalked me, whispering threats to me and showing me horrific scenes, trying to convince me I was killing people in my sleep. I prayed, slept with the light on, wrote verses I taped up all over the wall by my bed. But if I fell asleep, there would be another nightmare waiting for me.

I didn’t talk to my parents about any of it. I didn’t talk to ANYONE about it.

At the same time I was struggling with body image issues. My diet was awful. I ate a Snickers bar and washed it down with a Coke every day for lunch during my Senior year. I started excusing myself to go to the restroom after meals and forced myself to vomit. I developed an eating disorder called Bulimia. I popped laxatives like they were candy - by the handful.

I was a mess and I didn’t think anyone cared. I contemplated suicide several times.

So, if you have felt or are ever feeling lonely, inadequate, ugly, unloved, disappointed; have or ever had insomnia, relentless nightmares, an eating disorder or considered suicide - I can relate because I have been there.

I was rescued by God.

Not immediately, but little by little. Writing was my sanity. I have been a writer my whole life and my journaling kicked into high gear in high school. I needed an outlet and a way to process my thoughts and emotions. I began to realize that I was being selfish and was seeking attention from the world. I started reading my Bible and REALLY studying it. After college and when I had my first apartment (a studio apartment) where I lived alone, I would unplug my phone and sit in the middle of the floor and spend hours reading and studying my Bible.

I began to realize that people are never going to fulfill my needs because people are flawed. The only thing people can really be counted on to do consistently is to disappoint us.

The ONLY source of lasting peace, unconditional love and perfect security is God.

I started to recognize that I had a purpose and that God had a specific plan for me that Satan was trying to disrupt. I made a verbal declaration that I would fight the spiritual battles and would NOT let Satan win.

My nightmares went away. The Lord gave me the power to overcome my insecurities and I gained confidence in Him that cannot be shaken.

I am living a victorious life for Christ! Satan might have sent MS my way to test my confidence in Christ or maybe to make me question His goodness and love. But it did exactly the opposite because I fought hard battles in my youth and I learned hard lessons- but I REALLY learned them and I KNOW I am deeply loved by my Savior Jesus Christ and nothing can ever separate me from Him.

Every moment I spend reading my Bible and praying each day strengthens my confidence and my solid awareness that I NEED Him to do absolutely everything for me. In a lot of ways, I was arrogant as a teenager. I felt insecure and unloved but I felt WORTHY of love - how arrogant! I am NOT worthy but I am loved ANYWAY and… WOW I’m speechless now!

Can you relate?

You don’t have to be so serious! 🥸

My Grandmother (my Dad’s Mom) was serious all the time - at least whenever I was around her. She was prim and proper - well dressed, had her hair done every week, and no fun. None of her grandchildren enjoyed spending time with her. But my Grandfather was a different story. He worked as hard as his wife but instead of a scowl, he wore a smile on his face - singing and whistling through his day. All of their grandchildren adored our Grandpa. Any music played in their home was generally a collection of old time hymns - except when my Grandmother left to run an errand and then our Grandpa would sneak in a record of Hank Williams (https://youtu.be/pyiGHFGCf2U).

Don’t get me wrong, on Sunday mornings I am ALWAYS in the mood for deeply meaningful hymns of worship and praise. Hymns like The Deep Deep Love of Jesus, How Great Thou Art, Worthy Is the Lamb, It is Well With My Soul, etc. There are countless hymns that I adore - that often run through my mind while I read my Bible throughout the week. However, there is a REASON I love How Great Thou Art and that reason is that I can still hear my Grandpa’s tenor voice belting out that hymn next to me in church and I loved my Grandpa because he lived a joyous life! I loved my Grandma too but she wasn’t a warm person and she wasn’t full of joy like my Grandpa was.

My favorite music is upbeat music. I have a very eclectic list of songs I enjoy from across multiple genres. My mood determines what music I choose to listen to and most often, the music I choose is upbeat. I have only 2 playlists on Spotify - one for upbeat music of all types and one for the rest - slower, more contemplative music.

More than anything else, I love to laugh. So music that makes me laugh is pretty high on my list. First on my list is the upbeat Gospel and Contemporary Christian music that moves my soul to a position of praise and worship that strengthens and energizes me. But a close second are the silly songs that make me laugh. The parodies of Weird Al Yankovic can be a great way to induce laughter - a favorite in our house is Word Crimes (https://youtu.be/8Gv0H-vPoDc). And the hilarious Christian song parodies of Tim Hawkins will have our family rolling with laughter!

My Mom is probably to blame for my love of silly songs. She and I have a lot in common in this regard. She likes classical music but mostly the upbeat music from the album “Hooked on Classics” that she listened to while doing aerobics. She played and sang so many hilarious songs to us as kids.

Songs my Mom exposed me to were songs like The Witch Doctor (https://youtu.be/cmjrTcYMqBM), Transfusion (https://youtu.be/HbhvZ2y1V80), The Crazy Banana (https://youtu.be/oq79Z-4AfCg) and Ape Call (https://youtu.be/ueMoGDqHchU) to name just a few!😂

In elementary school our music teacher taught us fun songs like Don Gato about a cat who gets a letter from a female cat and is so happy he falls off the roof and dies but comes back to life at the smell of fish. Another song was called Grandma’s Feather Bed about how it was so big that it could hold eight kids, four hound dogs and a piggie they stole from the shed. 😂 Our high school choir sang some fun songs like Jack der Sprat - a funny song with German sounding English words about Jack Sprat and his wife from the nursery rhyme. We also sang a song called “ The Sow Died in the Spring.”

A friend of mine in high school taught me a silly little song, one verse of which goes like this:

Magalina Pagalina Supersonna Ronna Ronna Chugga Lugga Lugga was her name.

She had two teeth in her mouth, one pointed North and the other pointed South

Oh Magalina Pagalina Supersonna Ronna Ronna Chugga Lugga Lugga was her name.

I, of course, have passed these songs and the love of silliness and laughter to my children. As a result, my children have exposed me to new songs to add to my tickle-your-funny bone list. More modern songs that make me laugh. Songs like I’m A Burrito (https://youtu.be/QzpXCbk9OWc) and The Fruit of the Spirit’s Not A Coconut (https://youtu.be/pB2WmMcBNks).

When I still was feeding my children before they could operate a spoon, there were times they didn’t want to eat something I was feeding them. So I sang this song to them:

M (with my mouth closed) M (sticking my tongue out) said the little green frog one day

M (with my mouth closed) M (sticking my tongue out) said the little green frog

M (with my mouth closed) M (sticking my tongue out) said the little green frog one day

‘Til they all went M (with my mouth closed) M (sticking my tongue out) Ah (my mouth wide open)

It’s funny how kids copy your mouth when you do funny things like that and I would be able to sneak a spoon full if food into their open mouths. 😂

When my kids were young I used to sing a song to them to help remind them to be patient when they were struggling to wait for something. Patience (https://youtu.be/iL1BRPEjMZA). I played the whole song for them and then would sing just the chorus if they were whining while standing in a long line or in some other patience-testing situation. It was remarkably effective - probably because of the embarrassment factor of having their Mom sing to them in public (my voice isn’t THAT bad!🤣) but after a few times all I had to say once the whining started was “Do I need to sing the Patience song?” Even today, as teenagers, my kids adjust their impatient attitudes when I threaten to sing that song!

My favorite Christmas song is I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas (https://youtu.be/33QcgQdjfSs). And from the first year it came out, Matthew West’s Gobble Gobble song has been a fun addition to our Thanksgiving celebrations (https://youtu.be/wqAjWUAlJ-0).

Having a creative youth pastor who teamed up with a singer and songwriter when I was a teen also contributed to my fondness for silly songs. I remember one song they made up about traveling all over the world to places like Owha, Tagoo and Siam. They had us singing the chorus which, when put all together makes the phrase “Oh what a goose I am!” And we used to sing fun songs with creative verses that I sang to my own children when they were young. Songs like I’ve Been Redeemed with verses like:

Oh, you can’t get to heaven (repeat)

On roller skates (repeat)

No you can’t get to heaven on roller skates

You’ll roll right past those pearly gates

I’ve been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb

etc.

We also sang songs like this one:

Give me gas for my Ford, keep me truckin’ for the Lord

Give me gas for my Ford I pray

Give me gas for my Ford, keep me truckin’ for the Lord

Keep me truckin’ til the break of day

Sing hosanna, sing hosanna sing hosanna to the King of Kings

This song also has multiple fun verses.

As you are aware, I have Multiple Sclerosis. It makes my disease and my weaknesses much more bearable if I can laugh at myself. I am increasingly dizzy which means I lose my balance at random - while I’m standing still. Crazy to think that I could fall just because I am standing still and suddenly lose my balance! WHAT? Now I find that hilarious! My Grandmother would not have found it funny and there are members of my family who cannot find the humor in my condition. But I have to ignore the negativity and drown it out with joy and laughter - it’s how I deal with a debilitating illness. The Lord didn’t allow MS into my life so I would mope around and feel sorry for myself. He expects me to USE it for His glory!

If I struggle for a word, I often just insert any old word that comes to mind to keep the conversation flowing. For example, the other day I needed to fill a muffin tin with batter but couldn’t think of either word so I just said that I needed to put the “stuff“ in the “thing.” And I laughed but my family knew what I was talking about, thankfully so no one was confused.😂

Laughter and singing is all over the Bible.

There are a LOT more verses about singing, joy and laughter. These are just a few. But they emphasize my point. The Christian life is supposed to be lived joyously! We are supposed to be broadcasting how wonderful it is to be saved by grace - to know our destination and draw people to us! We want people to be caught up in our joy! Attracted to the amazing promises of Jesus Christ! And we can’t effectively do this if our lives are lived in solemn, joyless seriousness.

A little silliness and joy goes a long way - don’t take yourself so seriously. God doesn’t. He likens us to dumb sheep - and we ARE! Sheep are silly and cute but they aren’t smart. Lean in to your role as a sheep - be innocent, secure in the knowledge you are being watched out for by the Shepherd - but be sure to follow the right voice!

Adjustments

I love my children! They are such gifts and they bring me so much joy!

There was a time when summer breaks were much more difficult- as the kids went through their “no” phases and sneaky phases and they were too young to help out around the house in any significant way I would be exhausted at the end of the summer and would be ready for school to start. The kids were constantly asking to do things and go places - parks were frequent destinations but so were mall play areas and often just fun outside in our own neighborhood jumping in puddles. All fun but also a lot of work for me- planning out destinations, meals, snacks, driving, keeping watch and playing with them as they explored new places, and the clean-up afterwards (especially after puddle jumping). I enjoyed every moment of it and watching the kids have fun together more than made up for the work associated with a given activity. But I was ready for them to go back to school when September rolled around.

Things are different now. The kids are older and capable of entertaining themselves when necessary. They can get their own snacks and, if I’m feeling weak and fatigued, they can fix family meals and clean up afterward too. My daughter has her driver’s license now so she can get herself to birthday parties and friend hangouts and I don’t need to be there to supervise because she has made good choices in selecting friends and is responsible. The kids have taken on most of the household chores between the two of them too and they are not only a huge help but they are fun to be around.

So when my daughter went back to school on Tuesday, I wasn’t ready. She packs her own lunches now and she drives herself to school and back. I am watching her develop into a responsible, independent young woman and it’s AWESOME! But also I am having to make adjustments in my habits and thinking and I’m having to let go little by little.

Change can be sort of unsettling and I have to make adjustments or my children won’t be able to “adult” as they say these days - as if it’s a verb.

My son starts school today and I don’t know which of us is dreading it more! He doesn’t enjoy school the way I did when I was a kid. He is a procrastinator and he struggles to focus in class when the material is uninteresting- which, honestly, is MOST of what schools teach. The point of school is really to learn the mechanics of how to study, how to meet deadlines, how to do your best work, how to write legibly, how to read and comprehend the material you are reading, how to work with others (those in authority and your peers), time management, organizational skills, critical thinking, self advocacy and work ethic. The actual details of a particular book you might read in English are not important in adulthood. You should gain some basic knowledge of how things work and how history impacts the future but you will forget the nitty gritty details like dates important battles happened, etc. Basic math is important but higher levels of math aren’t unless you go in to a field that uses it like engineering or math teacher. But I digress…

I like it better when my kids are home. Our home is just happier with them in it and I know my time with them is limited. My daughter has only 2 years of high school left and then she’s off to college. My son has only 5 years of school left. I want to soak up every experience I can with them because I know it won’t last.

Just as things have changed as they have gotten older, taller and more capable, more adjustments will need to be made as they gain in responsibility and march toward independence.

I feel less prepared for this school year than ever before. I’m not ready! But I had better GET ready because it’s here and there’s no stopping it!

I reminds me of a song that makes me cry every time I hear it called “Slow Down.” The lyrics are:

"Slow Down"

https://youtu.be/clcNB_EUao8

Here's to you

You were pink or blue

And everything I wanted

Here's to you

Never sleeping through

From midnight till the morning

Had to crawl before you walked

Before you ran

Before I knew it

You were trying to free your fingers from my hand

'Cause you could do it on your own now

Somehow

Slow down

Won't you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it's all too fast

Let's make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

Here's to you

Every missing tooth

Every bedtime story

Here's to Barbie cars, light saber wars

Sleeping in on Sunday

Had to crawl

Before you walked

Before you ran

Before I knew it

You were teaching me

The only thing love can

Hold hands through it

When it's scary, you've got me

Slow down

Won't you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it's all too fast

Let's make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

Please don't roll your eyes at me

I know I'm embarrassing

But someday you'll understand

You'll hold a little hand

Ask them if they can...

Oh oh ho Oooh

'Cause it's all too fast

Oh oh ho Oooh

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can

Somehow

Slow down

Slow down

But time doesn’t slow down and nothing is going to wait until I’m ready. I made a deal with my son when he was little that if he would just stay little, I wouldn’t get old. He was struggling with the idea that I would get old and die some day. But, just like a disobedient child, he got bigger - so I have gotten older because he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain!😂😉