Toxic People

​I have come to recognize that there are unhappy people in this world who aren’t going to be able to experience joy and only want to spread their unhappiness everywhere they go.  I have limited energy and these types of people drain my limited mental energy so there is little left.

I recently had to block a “friend” from her ability to contact me.  I realized she was not actually a friend and was actively trying to cause difficulty for me.  I don’t understand people like that but I realize this woman is miserable and she can’t stand to be near joyful people.

This isn’t the first time I have had to make the decision to distance myself from a toxic relationship.  I had to cut off communication with a cousin who was a drug addict and loved the thrill of debate so he took the opposite side of every topic of discussion and I became weary of constant disagreements from a drug-fueled mind that didn’t make rational sense.  It consumed my thoughts because I love my cousin and I really wanted to help him out of the downward spiral his life had become.  But it was detrimental to my health and my ability to focus my attention on my family.

So, my advice?  Cut loose anyone who tries to steal your joy or who tries to drag you down into their pit of unhappiness.  You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved.  Be kind to them, pray for them, let God help them and then let them go.

Monday! Wake up! 😃

Good morning!   I am happy to report that my covid symptoms have continued to be extremely mild and hopefully I am on the mend.  I have to be careful not to celebrate too early.   Sometimes illnesses in me appear mild at first only to take a sudden turn and then I'm miserable and need antibiotics to get over them.  That hasn't happened to me in several years, thankfully, but it has happened frequently enough to make me cautious. 

No big plans today.  We are all just trying to lay low and get or stay healthy.   My daughter has volleyball tryouts next week so the last thing she needs is a relapse!

Well, I'm sure the Lord will surprise me with something today.   Yesterday it was a message from one of my Aunts - she texted me out of the blue and said "I love you so much!"  😊

Perspective

​If you have been following along with me, you know how I view the world and what my daily experiences are.  Today is Sunday and we stayed hone from church because we have COVID.  My husband got up early and made a yummy breakfast of bacon, eggs and he had pancake batter all mixed up and ready when another argument broke out.  I don’t even really understand why my husband got mad.  I do NOT respond in anger though - I just mostly stay quiet and pray but sometimes silence is the wrong approach.  But yesterday was a tough day and without going in to too much detail, our daughter was depressed and didn’t eat all day - she spent all day crying in her room.  But this morning, because my husband made her favorite breakfast and then left the house, she decided to leave her room and eat breakfast.  She hasn’t been in her room once since coming downstairs for breakfast.  She watched 2 Charles Stanley messages with me (and her brother) and let me fix lunch which she ate as well.  Without the morning’s events, she might still be on a hunger strike and about to pass out because her body really needs regular meals to function properly.  So even in the bad circumstances of life, I can see the Lord working for our good.

In any case, about perspectives.  Yesterday my husband was talking to me about all the difficulties in his life and how everywhere he goes he finds rude and inconsiderate people.  He reads the news stories and it’s all violence and the area we live in is so spiritually oppressed.  He told me he is afraid to drive anywhere, afraid to encounter violence or rudeness out in public, afraid even to walk out to get the mail or do yard work for fear of an uncomfortable encounter with a neighbor.  By contrast, I glance at the headlines once in awhile to stay informed but mostly ignore the details of the stories.  And everywhere I go I find I encounter kindness and courteous people.  Why are our experiences so different?  I am mot afraid to go out in public.  I look for opportunities to go outside and chat with our neighbors, I volunteer to run errands for my husband and family.  I enjoy going to church and talking with other believers and discovering believers out while shopping and I am encouraged by it all!  

It’s a matter of perspective.  If you are focused on the evil in this world instead of on God’s promise to deliver you from that evil, all you will ever see is evil surrounding you.  But if your eyes are focused on the Lord and His power and love for us, you will see His hand shedding light on darkness and you will be comforted and feel joyful and thankful for His daily gift of mercy.

Wake Up!

So, I sent this to my family and friends via text yesterday:

It was just for fun and as a check-in to let them know they are in my thoughts and prayers.   I got a lot of fun responses but this evening, when I was feeling my worst because I'm sick with COVID, one of my cousins sent me this response:

"I saw this yesterday, my 1am shift. I absolutely loved this message and shared it with my two coworkers!! ❤️❤️"

Even when I don't go anywhere, God finds a way to send me encouragement.  I am deeply loved by Him!🥰

COVID

​Good morning!  I started feeling sick last night - scratchy throat and minor runny nose.  My husband tested positive for COVID this week so I took a home test this morning and it was positive for COVID.  Our daughter has a terrible sore throat and is staying home from conditioning camp today.  We haven’t tested her but she almost certainly has COVID.  Our son shows no sign of illness so far and we are hoping to keep it that way!

Interestingly, our daughter had the vaccine and 1 booster, I had the vaccine and 2 boosters and my husband had the vaccine and 3 boosters.  This is my husband’s 3rd time getting COVID, this is my second time and our daughter’s 4th time.  Now for the fascinating part - we did not have our son vaccinated because of all the risks associated with the vaccine in young boys as well as his extreme fear of needles.  Our son has never had COVID.  He has been sick before, tested numerous times and has never had a positive COVID test.  Two years ago three of us picked up COVID on vacation.  Despite sharing a small hotel room and being around us 24/7 for a week before we cane home, our son never developed COVID.  So, either the vaccine increases your chance of getting the virus or our son is immune to it!😁

As viruses go, COVID feels like a cold.  In my experience, it is a nuisance, but I’ve had much worse illnesses - strep throat and mono are among them.  I know with MS I am supposed to be more vulnerable because I am on an immuno-suppressant but I haven’t had any trouble getting through it and I am praying this time will be no different.

I know people who have really struggled with COVID and had to be hospitalized and put on oxygen.  I believe the Lord is protecting me and keeping me from getting THAT sick.  I may be compromised by MS but I am still needed by my family.☺️

Well, I will keep you posted.  Praying this is no big deal like before.  🙂

On Wednesday We Wear Pink!

​Okay, Mean Girls was a silly movie and I am nothing like those girls.  Neither are my daughter and her friends but last year they decided to all wear pink on Wednesdays.  Some of their teachers even got in on it!  Today is Wednesday, so I am wearing pink in solidarity with my beautiful daughter and her amazing friends who strive to be more Christlike every day.😊

On another note though - I’m TIRED!😩. I stayed up WAY too late last night and had to get up early to get my daughter to her Conditioning Camp.  I have a dental cleaning this morning too.  And it just started raining.

But I love the rain!  So, I won’t dance because my balance is terrible and it’ll be worse today because I’m so tired but I WILL shake my hips a little as I walk to the car this morning and I will laugh because I will know how goofy I look!   And I won’t care!🤣

I will let you know if anything amazing happens today.  I’m positive the Lord will do SOMETHING to draw my attention to how awesome He is - He’s just like that!

Shopping Day!

​I am getting myself back to the status quo finally!  I can feel my face again (stress makes my face start to lose feeling which scares me because the feeling I’ve lost in my left arm, hand, leg and foot has never come back).  I went to bed early last night and slept like a log!  I feel ready to go out and do my grocery shopping!

I am excited about what the Lord will do today - it’s going to be an adventure!

Well, I didn’t get to finish this post before I had to go get my daughter to her conditioning camp so I was off to the races and am now done with all the shopping.🙂

I went to Safeway first and nothing terribly interesting happened there.  Took those groceries home and went to pick up my daughter.  Next we went to Target.  I know, I know - I haven’t been shopping at that woke store that supports evil but my daughter had an old (years old) gift card that we decided she should use and be done with it.  On our way there we had the most fun interaction with a road construction worker holding a stop sign.  He had just turned it to stop us and he walked right up to the front of the car, smiled this enormous smile, stuck his tongue out and waved the “hang loose” signal with his free hand.  We laughed out loud so hard!  I rolled my window down and he said “It’s a beautiful day!”  I agreed and then he walked up to my window, asked me if I was ready and turned the sign around and told me to have a nice day.  I fist bumped him as I pulled away and my daughter and I laughed and talked about it the rest if the way to the store.

Third stop was Fred Meyer where I got the rest of the groceries and my daughter searched for an eclectic bunch of small gifts for her friend’s birthday party.  At checkout she didn’t have enough money so the store clerk scanned a coupon for her and got her down a few dollars.  Then she scanned it for my groceries too!

Final stop was the thrift store.  We didn’t find much but I got a few books for my son.  One of my favorite clerks was there - she gave me a huge discount and was so sweet chatting with my daughter.

So I survived my shopping trip and was energized by the kindness of the people we encountered today.  We also saw a couple of bumper stickers on a black car that said iPray and Blessed.  I’m telling you, Christians are everywhere and I have positive encounters everywhere I go.  I can feel the Lord guiding me through every day - even the rough ones.🙂

Happy Monday!

Flare… sorry!

​It happens, life can get pretty overwhelming sometimes and I have to take a break.  Stress can cause my brain to start to shut down and my body follows suit.  The hardest thing for me is the mental fatigue that cones with relationship drama and we have had buckets of that in our house over the past week!  My husband is a talker.  I probably can’t convey how much he talks because you wont believe me.  But I need silent spaces throughout the day to give my brain a rest and my husband isn’t capable of silence.   

So there was a lot of what I will refer to as “intense fellowship” last week as well as drama with our daughter and the boy she likes - taking away communication privileges, etc.  So I was being talked at by my husband for hours a day - often quite loudly and when I wasn’t being talked at by him, my daughter was talking at me.  Too many words to process and my brain decided to stop processing all of them.  My body started to slow way down too.  I felt like my body was encased in 75lbs of play doh.  It was a horrible feeling.

But, God is faithful!  Finally my family realized there was no point in talking at me until I could get a break and rest my brain.  I have had more downtime and longer naps the last couple of days and am thankfully starting to recover from my MS flare-up.

I took my daughter to her first day of conditioning camp for volleyball this morning and am getting this quiet time while my son spends his hour of screen time on his iPad and my husband is upstairs doing laundry and packing for his next trip.

Out of the chaos if the last week a few things have happened that might not otherwise have occurred.  First, I have been able to have many talks with our daughter about trusting God.  Now we have talked about this many times but right now her reliance on God is being tested because her communication with the boy she likes and views as her best friend has been restricted to just writing letters to each other and the letters must be read by a parent before mailed.  She is struggling because she can’t talk to him or text/email him.  I told her that this is where she needs to out her full trust in the strength of the Lord.  That people, being fallible human beings, WILL disappoint us but God never will.  He knows us and loves us better than anyone ever could.  I urged her to share her heart with the Lord - to “cast all her cares” on Him and rely on Him to carry her through this trial.  So hard for a 14 year old girl to do but such an important life lesson that will give her the strength she will need as she grows and matures.

Another thing that came out of all the drama is that I was feeling like I needed a break from everything so we were going to stay home from church.  Part of the fallout from that decision was the extreme disappointment expressed by both kids.  I was getting talked at by even my son who desperately wanted to go to church (which thrilled my soul but it was also exhausting).  Sunday morning came and I was feeling a little better - but too late to go to the church we have been attending the past year and a half.  So I decided to take the kids to our old church - the one we raised our kids in and the one my husband grew up in.  And we were met with so much love!  The effort of hugging and catching up with so many people was exhausting but so joyfully so!  I had to take a huge nap after lunch but my soul has been rejuvenated!

So, once again, I am blessed.  Even in the middle of chaos and difficulty, I am exponentially blessed!😃

Sunday afternoon blessing

Hard Weekend

​So, without going in to too much detail, this whole weekend has been really hard.  My husband went on an hours long rampage yesterday that ended with me taking the kids out for dinner at 8pm and then another 2 hour long lecture so we didn’t get to bed until almost midnight.  Then, today was the last Sunday the family of the boy my daughter likes were going to be at our church because they are going to attend a church closer to home.  They just this week were allowed to start texting each other but last night my husband decided to put the breaks on their relationship and took her phone away.  There is so much drama going on in our house right now and I am so mentally and emotionally fatigued.

This is a weekend where MS prevents me from enduring the marathon lectures and hours long intense monologues.  I can’t keep up with all the words and I end up making things worse because I can’t follow the long train of thought.  I sit quietly and yawn like nobody’s business and I can’t help it.  My husband calls it “power yawning.”

I am tired.  I took a nap in my son’s room after church today because my husband had locked me out of our room.  I slept so deeply that when I woke up I had no idea where I was.

But I will say that our pastor’s message on Ephesians 6:12&13 was really good and I feel like it was exactly what I needed this weekend.  And he said we would spend the rest of the summer on the armor of God which I am REALLY looking forward to!

A couple of blessings to report:

1.  Yesterday one of our neighbors gave our daughter a blouse her granddaughter had bought new but decided she didn’t want.  Our daughter loves it and wore it to church this morning where she got several compliments.🙂

2.  This afternoon the same neighbor gave us 2 big bags of veggies - 3 kinds of little tomatoes, big tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, zucchini, a yellow squash, huge green salad onions and green bell peppers.  Such a wonderful and generous neighbor!

I had a friend stay and talk with me after church today just because she could tell I didn’t want to be by myself.  She’s a fairly new friend but she seems to understand me pretty well and I appreciate her so much!

Tomorrow is a new day.  Praying it will be a much better one!

Saturday had Finally Arrived!

​​It’s funny because I don’t have a job and it’s the middle of the summer so there’s no school and yet I still look forward to the weekends!  Part of the reason is that I look forward to the Lord’s Day (Sunday) and gathering with the Lord’s people at church each week.  But today is Saturday.  I just feel this sense of relief.  That I survived another week filled with appointments and activities.  This is the day I look back on my week and marvel at all the Lord helped me accomplish and all of the special interactions that were unplanned and reminders of God’s care for ALL the details in our lives.

Our new mattress arrived yesterday and I feel like it was an improvement over our old one.  But the real story is the way God perfectly orchestrated the delivery.  It was supposed to arrive between 9:30 and 11:30 and my husband was supposed to be home from his trip at about 10am (depending on traffic between the airport and home).  I had the bed stripped and ready for the old mattress to be taken out but our bedroom is upstairs and there is a light fixture on the wall that my husband removed the last time we got a new mattress and I didn’t know how to deal with disconnecting the wiring so I didn’t attempt to remove it.  But it’s really hard to get a big mattress through that narrow area without wiping that fixture out.  Well, the Lord brought my husband home about 10 or 15 minutes before the mattress delivery guys showed up and he was able to quickly remove the light fixture and we got our mattress delivered with no damage to it or to the house.  🙂 I know, it’s a little thing.  But God’s hand is in EVERY little thing.  I love seeing Him in the nitty gritty details of the mundane things in our lives as much as in the bigger, weightier things.  We have such an AWESOME GOD!

My stomach was HORRIBLE yesterday but it’s much better so far this morning.  My husband is working on his bid for his schedule in September.  He has to submit a bid every month for his schedules.  It’s a long and tedious process but since the schedules are assigned by seniority, if he takes the time to carefully evaluate the available schedules (and there are over 400 schedules to review and rank), he can generally get a good schedule.  

The kids are still sleeping.  It’s almost 9am but they were up late last night because they went to a youth group “Bond” fire which was a lot of fun!  They only do these events once a month (for the most part) in the summer so it’s always fun for them to get together and goof off.  My son has recently started making friends with one of the boys in the youth group which thrills my heart.  My son is friendly to all and will talk to anyone but he is very careful about who he considers a close friend.  It takes him a ling time to develop trust because he has not been treated well by boys his age in general.  I have really been praying he would make a friend or two at church.  I specifically spend some time praying he would make a friend at the BBQ our church had after the service last week and much to my delight he connected with a kid sitting next to him and he gave him his email address and it was HIS house the kids went to for last night’s “bondfire”.  The kid even gave my son a hug when it was time to leave.  I am praying these boys will be able to develop a good bond of friendship!

My daughter has lots of friends at school but only a couple of friends at church.  She has 1 good girl friend at church who has been on a family road trip most of the month so they hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks until last night - they came home a day early from their trip and so she ended up going to the “bondfire” which was so exciting for my daughter who ended up bear hugging her when she got there! 🤣. But the main thing I have my eye on and my prayers focused on for her is a relationship she has with a boy at church.  They are not allowed to date until she is 16 (in 2 years) but they only have eyes for each other.  I am praying for her heart, her mind, for judgment, wisdom, discernment.  I am regularly pointing her to the Lord and reminding her that if it’s the Lord’s will and the relationship has Christ at the center there isn’t anything that can stop them from being together in the future.  But if they lose that Godly focus, satan can wiggle in there and corrupt their relationship and tear them apart or worse.  His family is changing churches after this Sunday so they will see each other even less after tomorrow and especially once the school year starts.  I just pray they will be able to maintain the sweet innocence of their friendship so far and not let their feelings get too carried away.

Well, not a lot of this has anything to do with MS.  Do you see how really insignificant MS can be in my life even though I know it has a huge impact on me and my family.  I just don’t let it rent space in my brain - ha!  Well, there ARE those pesky lesions in my brain but I don’t let MS linger in my thoughts - the part of my brain I still have some control over.😉

It’s Friday!😃

​I am going to something differently here today.  I am going to tell you about some of my physical challenges so you can know a little bit more about why I wake up each morning looking forward to seeing how God is going to carry me through my day with joy.🙂

I slept terribly last night.  We spent a lot of money 3 years ago on a mattress that was supposed to solve all our sleep issues and it made them worse.  We finally couldn’t take it anymore and on Tuesday we went mattress shopping, ordered a new mattress and today it is supposed to be delivered!  But the mattress wasn’t my inly problem.  I have been experiencing a lot of problems with my stomach.  Since April I have experienced everything from nausea to burning feeling to bloating and gas to diarrhea and/or constipation.  Right now my stomach is making all these gurgling noises and I just feel really uncomfortable.  I had a colonoscopy in April that was clear).  I've been to the ER (in May) and had a CT Scan, bloodwork, urinalysis and even a pelvic ultrasound.  Nothing unusual in any of the testing.  Next I am supposed to have an endoscopy but I am weary of all the appointments and testing and expense.  So I am holding off and praying things will start improving soon.  Tums help.😉

Aside from these issues that seem to be unrelated to MS, I have limited energy (even when I sleep well) and when it’s used up, my fatigue is so bad I stop functioning and HAVE to take a nap.  I can’t “push through” like normal people can so I really have to pace myself and take regular rest breaks.

I have more lesions in my cervical spine than I do in my brain and one of those lesions is causing me to lose partial feeling down the entire left side of my body.  I am actually losing feeling everywhere but my left side is where I notice it the most.  I have a foot drop because my brain can’t get signals to my left foot fast enough so I can’t get my ankle to function properly.  Getting dressed in the morning or getting changed at night is a challenge because of the loss of feeling and function but also because I have very poor balance.  I have to lean against a wall to steady myself or I will fall.  Speaking of falling, because of my foot drop and inability to lift my left foot up high enough, I trip a LOT.  I haven’t fallen recently but if I lose my balance, I can’t recover and will fall.  I tripped over my son at Costco once and fell pretty hard.

Taking a shower can be exhausting but I love showers because I am cold ALL of the time.  Some people with MS have heat intolerance but I have a cold intolerance and I feel cold deep inside and have difficulty warming up.  I also have Raynaud’s - something I developed just in the past couple if years.  It’s an auto-immune disorder that effects circulation so I often lose circulation in my fingers and hands - even in the summer - especially in air conditioned places like the grocery store or our house.

There are other challenges but these are biggies and some of the main reasons I rely so heavily on the Lord for every moment of every day and why I get so excited when I watch Him working everything out so perfectly!

Today is going to be a great day!

Good Evening 😉

I've had another day filled with love.  ❤️. I had a wonderful morning with a friend.   It always feels like our time together is so short!  I think we need a whole day when there has been so much time before coffee chats!

I picked my daughter up a little early from her last day of Volleyball camp because there was going to be a police training session on campus at Noon so the kids had to clear out before then.  We went home for lunch and after that I ran a couple of errands while the kids stayed home.  My daughter had a gift she needed to finish making for her friend's birthday party this evening.   She taught herself how to crochet and she has been creating these beautiful flowers and cute octopi.  She made an octopus for her friend while I was gone.

We all loaded up into the car to take her to the birthday party this evening and my son and I had a little dinner and movie "date."  I had never seen the movie "Onward" before but my son recorded it when it was on TV awhile back.  Ita really cute movie and much to my surprise, I actually teared up at the end. Surprising for me these days - I used to cry so easily - even at some of the more touching commercials.   But MS has really robbed me of a lot of my ability to cry.  My son was pretty surprised, sorry the movie made me cry but also glad, I think, that I liked the movie enough to get involved emotionally in it.  He used to like me to read the books to him that made me cry so he could comfort me.  He is such a sweet boy and he's so good at providing comfort to people who are sad.  You should see him with little kids who are crying.  He had a tender heart and is excellent at cheering people up - especially the very young and the very old - as well as his Mom.  🥰

I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow holds!

It’s a Beautiful Day!

​Good morning!  I just finished my Bible reading.  I read every morning and am so enjoying it!  I keep adding things to read.  I am reading through Oswald Chambers “My Utmost for His Highest” in addition to the J Vernon McGee study on Revelation.  I am also working my way through the Old Testament on my own - just finished Haggai.  I read the One Year Bible with my son every night - this is our second time reading through it together.  

I am excited for what today will hold.  I am dropping my daughter off at her last day if Volleyball camp and then coming home to meet a friend from our church.  It will be her first time to our house and I am going to make coffee for her with the espresso machine we bought ourselves as a Christmas gift last year.😋. It is always a sweet time when we get together for coffee and I am really looking forward to her visit!

My daughter has a birthday party to go to tonight too and I am looking forward to seeing some if the Moms if her friends as they drop their girls off at the party.

Well, time to wake the kids up!  I will post an update later to let you know how the Lord orchestrated my day!  😃  

Lucy the Alligator 😃

Cafe Cubano 😋

Blessings Upon Blessings!

So far my day has been amazing!   It's a little energy day but I have had 1 energy boost after another!   I feel like I probably overuse the exclamation point...😉

Anyway, I dropped my daughter off at Volleyball camp and went to Safeway.  Nothing notable happened.   But at 11:30 I met the Mom of one of one of my daughter's friends to catch up before we picked our girls up from Volleyball Camp and I was just so blessed to spend a half an hour chatting with her.  And as a bonus I was able to watch my daughter in action while I was waiting for this woman to arrive and she was doing so great!

Then, we went home for lunch and then ran a couple of errands. I had to stop by a jewelry store (my husband had to get his wedding band re-sized and I needed to pick it up for him) and I met this lovely man who had just celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary.  He played football with Ken Hutchinson at the UW and I knew "Hutch" from Westminster Chapel where I grew up and he was an associate pastor before leaving with Mark Webster to form Antioch in Kirkland.  We talked churches and it turns out he is a believer and a very kind gentleman.   Thrilled my soul to meet him!  

After we got home, I left my daughter (who is currently cleaning the house for me, dear girl) and took my son to the summer party being thrown by his orthodontist.   There is free ice cream, espresso and a bouncy house and pretty soon the Reptile Man will be Herr.  But I met the coffee guy (Terry) and had a lovely conversation with him.  He owns the company (Elegant Espresso) and he made me an amazing drink that is his signature drink called the cafe Cubano- yum!  Turns out he is also a chaplain for the police department and has a ministry helping teach young people in South Africa to make espso they can go to the bigger cities and get jobs at higher end hotels and restaurants.   He also us a cancer survivor.   Amazing gentleman!

I'm also wearing pink today because it's Wednesday (something my daughter and her friends started during the school year - it's from a movie they watched) and all the Neal Smiles employees are wearing pink shirts - I heard one of them say "we wear pink on Wednesdays" - made me laugh and I had a great conversation with her too.

These moments just propel me through the day.  Plus, Terry actually made me TWO coffee drinks - I also had an iced Coconut White Chocolate Latte.  😁

My God is sooooooo amazing!   I can hardly wait for tomorrow! 

Take Courage!

Shopping Day!

​Good morning!  I just finished my morning devotions.  I am reading through Revelation again and going through J Vernon McGee’s study on it.  My Mom used to listen to him on the radio when I was a kid.  I am really enjoying his insights.

I think I should tell you that my husband really does work hard.  He HAS taken on some extra chores that I can’t do anymore and he’s weary.  It’s a stretch to call him my “caregiver” though.  Especially since he’s a major airline captain and is gone an average of 3 days a week.  But he DOES cook when I don’t have the energy, he does the laundry and he took over the financials which we used to share but math and numbers are difficult for me to get right now.

Today is grocery shopping day!  I enjoy grocery shopping even though it drains me of energy.  I enjoy it because the Lord always finds a way to bring people to me that I can show his love to.  One time I was singing “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” with the guy who brings the carts in from the parking lot at Costco.  I wear my smile and I talk to anyone the Lord brings to my attention and I am blessed every shopping day - even if the only people I talk to are the cashiers.  It just lifts my spirit when I get to spread the love of Jesus.  One time it was my son who showed that love by helping the people behind us empty their carts.  I just never know what’s going to happen and I love surprises!

Yesterday the Lord brought me to the mind of a friend who checked in on me and told me she wasn’t sure why but she suddenly thought of me so she was letting me know that good, bad or indifferent, she was praying for me and my family.  What a blessing!  I wasn’t having a particularly bad or even a particularly good day but I knew the Lord had a reason.  My stomach has been really giving me trouble lately so maybe that’s why.  I will probably never know but isn’t it great when God sends someone to check on you?😃   

Well, I need to load my digital coupons now.  I pray you have as fabulous a day as I imagine mine will be!

Rejoice!

Good Morning!

​It’s Tuesday.  My daughter has to be at Volleyball camp at 8:30am and my husband has a dental appointment at 9am.  My husband hates traffic so I always have to accompany him when he goes to the dentist so he doesn’t have to drive and so we can use the carpool lane.  This means that I get to sit in the car for an hour (our son will be with me too) and read my Bible.  Today though, I think I will pop over to the vision clinic and drop a note off for my friend!  I am excited to be able to check in with her again this week!

You know, I used to really dislike the fact that my husband can’t go to any of his appointments without me.  But I do understand that he gets really stressed out in traffic and so I don’t mind ad much anymore.  I DO find it a little interesting though that he is always complaining about the extra work he has had to take on because of my decreasing abilities and he refers to himself as my caregiver but I do all the driving - to church, on errands, to appointments, etc.  I also make all the phone calls he needs to make - I make most of his doctor appointments, calls about car parts, questions about bills or just about anything - he especially hates calling people when there is a problem.  So I do it for him.  At least I can still do some things for him that are helpful even if he doesn’t realize he’s being helped.😉. I also pack a cooler full of food for him the night before he leaves on a trip and I get up early to put an ice pack in it and set it out by his wallet so he remembers to take it with him - I always put an encouraging note - often with a verse - in his cooler too.  My sister recently found these great Snoopy notes that I have been using lately because Blair loves Snoopy.🙂 

Well, I need to get the kids up and moving.  Praying the Lord carries us through another busy day!

Awesome God!

So, I had an incredible part to play in God's plan this morning!

I was early everywhere.   We got to the orthodontist a half an hour early.  They were able to get Jacob's wires out and we were out the door 15 minutes before his appointment time.  We headed toward the dentist's office and I was so happy I would be early enough to visit my friend at the vision clinic.  I wanted to bring her coffee but there's not a coffee shop on my route so I decided against going out of my way to find coffee because I didn't want to be late.  Well, God had other plans.   I took a wrong turn.  I didn't even realize it was a wrong turn until I started looking for my next turn and I recognized where I was.  I hadn't intended to take that route - in fact, I had never gone that way before and had no idea that road would take me where I wanted to go as well.  And guess what?  There was a Starbucks on that route!  So I decided to stop and pick up coffee for my friend.  It WAS Monday after all and I felt I should get her coffee.  

Turns out she was having a difficult morning and was wishing she had gotten herself a coffee to help her through the fog.  She was so thankful for the coffee and I told her to thank God because I had no intention of getting her coffee this morning but God worked through my lack of navigational skills and directed me to get coffee for her.  😃

God is sooooo amazing!  I love when I bumble my way around and He shows me how He can use my failures for His purposes!   

This is why I am excited every morning to see what the Lord has in store for me!

Monday!

​It is going to be a busy Monday.  My daughter starts volleyball camp, my son has a dental cleaning with involves getting the wires from his braces removed and then replaced by his orthodontist and after lunch we are going mattress shopping.  

Because of MS in my life, this schedule sounds exhausting!  And I DO take a medication that helps with my energy level but I only take it every other day and guess what?  Today is not one of those days.

But the Lord is right here with me at all times and I am just amazed by the energy boost He provides at the exact moment I need it - every single time!  So I don’t look at a day like today and worry myself about how I am going to survive it.  I am actually excited about my day.  One bonus about my son’s dental appointment is that our dentist is right next door to a vision clinic where a friend of mine works so I will get to drop in and say hello which will fuel me up and make me smile.  And I really look forward to chatting with the ladies at the reception desk in the dental office.  

Today is going to be busy but I am excited to watch how the Lord works to help me through it!

No Drama Please!

​I find myself increasingly intolerant of people who try to drag me in to their drama.  I am happy to listen to my friends and to pray with and for them and to do my best to advise and encourage them and yes, share in their struggles, helping to carry their burdens.  But there are some people who just want to debate and argue on points we disagree on.  Some people just like the process of engaging in conflict for the sake of argument.  Like playing devil’s advocate just for the thrill if debate.  I am not one of those people and I abhor the drama those people bring into my life.  I don’t let it steal my joy.  I figure out what they are doing pretty quickly and then do what I can to avoid lengthy conversations with them.  Does that happen to you?  My problem is that if someone takes up an argument with me, I WILL argue.  I WANT to win the argument too and that pride in me is ugly and unGodly.  And it eats at me after the conversation is over.  I have a cousin who is maddeningly argumentative.  His life is a train wreck and I let it consume me for a long time.  I had to disconnect from him.  I can’t let miserable and angry people drag me in to their anger and misery.  It’s true that misery loves company but I choose joy.  And I don’t like to blame my deficiencies on MS but I have limited energy and what energy I have I need to use wisely.  I choose not to use it up on senseless debate with people who just like to argue.  There’s never a conclusion.  They just like to disagree!  

Sorry for the rant.  I spent the afternoon trying to avoid one of those people but she would not be ignored by me today.  

Every Day Focus

​I have developed habits that I use every day to get my focus off myself and my own desires and circumstances and redirect it toward the Lord and His desires for each day.

The first thing I do as I am getting dressed each morning is I mentally put on the Armor of God - Helmet of Salvation, Breastplate of Righteousness, Belt of Truth, Sword of the Spirit, Shield of Faith and Shoes of Peace (as my daughter calls them).  Then I pray that the Lord would equip me to fight any spiritual battles I might face that day.  Next I pray the Lord would help me to show His love toward everyone I come in contact with, beginning with my husband and children.  I pray for safety and protection during the day’s activities and I thank Him for hiving me the strength to accomplish His purposes as He presents opportunities to me each day.

My next habit is to write in a “Thankfulness Journal.”  A little over a year ago I dedicated a journal just for writing things I am thankful for and then determined to write in it at least 1 thing I was thankful for each day - before doing anything else.  And just over a year later I have found that I somehow have more and more things to be thankful for and my journal is almost full.  Some days all I can think of to be thankful for is the energy to get myself dressed but most days I find myself trying to narrow down my list because I need to get to my Bible reading.😃 

These habits really help me to keep my eyes on the blessings of the Lord and to rely on His strength and wisdom.  And they help me to roll right in to discussions with my kids - asking them if they put their armor of God on as they sit down to breakfast.  I am able to start my mornings off with a smile and upbeat attitude with my husband regardless of the mood he is in.  I look for opportunities to show love and kindness at the grocery store, gas station, in our neighborhood.

I have MS but the Lord provides me with the energy to serve Him at every opportunity He presents and I am so blessed!

Afternoon Update

​Well, I am tired.  But my husband got home from his trip and didn’t sleep well last night either.  I was struggling to stay awake listening to him talk when he got home.  He was doing okay until we sat down for lunch - he had a meltdown and went upstairs for a nap.  I am feeling a little better after eating something but I could really use a nap myself.  I don’t want to disturb my husband right now though so I guess I will wait until he wakes up.  I have to day though that I DO find it interesting that my healthy husband takes longer and more frequent naps than I do.  I generally take 20 minute naps and only once a week wt the most.  When I’m at my most fatigued I will sleep for up to an hour but not generally longer unless I’m sick.  I’m thankful I got so much done over the past few days so I can afford a nap today!😉

Ugh!

I spent a long time this morning writing a post that disappeared as soon as I finished it!  I don't have the time now to recreate my post but I am letting you know that I am thankful for this new day.  I'm looking forward to seeing how the Lord is going to carry me through it because I went to bed way too late last night and woke up super early this morning so only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep which is hard for normal people but really bad for someone with MS.  A nap is probably in my future but for now, I'm drinking my coffee (a mocha actually, can't stand the taste of coffee but I need the caffeine to survive the morning) and relying heavily on the hand of God.  Maybe I will report back later and tell you how things went today...🙂

Praying for good health...

My first post!

 I am very excited to be blogging finally.  I will start with a short one because it’s really late on a Friday night and I am tired.

I have to say though that I wanted to write about my journey as a Christian wife and mother with multiple sclerosis (MS).  It has been such a joyfully challenging time in my life and I want to share my perspective on it all.

By the time I was finally diagnosed in 2014, I already knew there was something seriously wrong.  My husband was upset with me and thought I was changing in retaliation for some of his angry outbursts over the years.  He took a lot of guilt on his shoulders and yet he thought I had control over things like not being able to have meaningful discussions after 9pm or struggling to plan meals for the week.  An MS diagnosis was a welcome explanation for all my weird symptoms and it was honestly a relief to finally have an answer.  It was time to start treating my disease and get on with my life, right?  Well… yes, to an extent.  But what that looks like now is very different from what I thought it would.

I thought my diagnosis would explain all my difficulties and take the burden of responsibility off my husband and the pressure to get back to my old self off of me.  Wrong.  It increased both.  Now my husband is taking on more than he should and is doubling down on the pressure he puts on me to make the changes he deems necessary for the survival of our marriage.

You would think I would be super stressed out or even bitter.  But one of the blessings of MS in my life is that I don’t feel emotions the way I once did.  I believe it’s a gift from the Lord to protect me from pain.  From the deep pain I know I would have felt when my Dad passed away in 2017, when my Grandma passed away in 2019, when my cousin passed away in 2019, when numerous close friends passed away between 2019 and 2022.  And the pain of a very difficult marriage.

I was talking with my 14 year old daughter today.  I told her that her Dad thinks my MS is getting worse but that I used to hate picking raspberries in our yard because it was hard for me - very fatiguing and physically difficult but the past couple of years I have found it much easier and more enjoyable - so much so that it’s now one of my favorite things to do.  So, I told her I thought I was actually improving in some areas.  And she agreed but then she said this:  “I think you are just appreciating the small things and simple moments more now.”  Such an insightful girl.  She is right!  I savor every moment of every day.  I seek joy in everything and do my best to create it when it can’t be found.  I have come to realize that I can do nothing apart from God.  He provides all the strength, energy and motivation for every undertaking in my life.  I am slowly losing feeling everywhere in my body and even emotionally.  But I am gaining in my understanding if the deep love and mercy the Lord shows me every second of every day.  

Without MS, I don’t know whether I would have slowed down enough to hear the voice of the Lord whispering in my ear or to feel His arms wrapped around me keeping me safe.  I am deeply grateful for my MS diagnosis.  The Lord is so merciful!