Hot Mess

“And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.” ‭‭Titus‬ ‭3‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

There are days when I try to do too much and at the end of those days I am a hot mess. Today was one of those days.

Normally I try to pace myself and don’t try to take on more than one major project per day. Major to me (a person with MS) has a different definition than for a healthy person. Grocery shopping is a major project for me and it is a huge energy drain even though it’s something I truly enjoy doing. I went grocery shopping this morning.

Volunteering at my son’s school - walking around the courtyard and monitoring the kids during their lunch break is a major, energy draining project for me even though I think it’s important and I enjoy it. I volunteered at my son’s school today.

These activities combined with getting the kids to and from school left me a hot mess and having real trouble trying to even THINK about what to fix for dinner (no left-overs to fall back on).

Enter my daughter. She stepped in and saved me - and dinner - tonight! She has been asking for a week if she could make fettuccini alfredo. I bought all the necessary ingredients last week but my husband doesn’t like to be a guinea pig for her to test her new cooking skills on - and he gets really agitated when people make messes while cooking. So the only time our daughter cooks is when my husband is out of town.

I try not to let on when I’m struggling to come up with a meal idea so I had just started brainstorming with the kids when my daughter said “Can I make chicken fettuccini alfredo tonight?” My immediate answer was a relieved and enthusiastic “yes!” She is not an experienced cook but she has made recipes on her own before and she knows her way around the kitchen for the most part. I consulted when she asked but dinner took very little effort on my part - she even set the table and prepared fruit to go with it. And it was REALLY good! Her brother loved it and was still talking about how good it was as he got ready for bed tonight.

Speaking of hot messes - my daughter made a big mess on the stove while she was cooking, it was too hot to clean up right away and, had my husband been home, he would have been hovering over her the entire time and ultimately would not have been able to stand the mess she was making and would have taken the project over.

I have learned through my experience with MS fatigue that it’s important to allow ourselves as well as our children to be (and make) a hot mess sometimes. In making messes, we all learn valuable lessons - whether we are cooking or re-potting a plant or stepping out in faith to try something new. It’s okay to need help sometimes and to let others see our human weaknesses.

Another lesson I have learned is that my children WANT to help in practical ways. They want to be trusted to step in and handle an important task (like making dinner). They not only WANT to feel useful, they NEED to feel like an essential part of our family. And they ARE!

Finally, I am learning to accept that I don’t have to be strong every moment of every day. My children love me even when I’m a hot mess and can hardly articulate a thought because I’m so tired. They never complain when I take a nap or ask them to do tasks I would normally do myself. I don’t want to take my family for granted but it is sure a good feeling and a relief to know that my children are capable of helping and eager to help when my husband is out of town and I am flying solo as a parent.

I am so very blessed!

Elections Matter

James 4:17 - Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.

I am going to vote in the presidential election as soon as I receive my ballot. The candidate I plan to vote for isn’t my favorite. But the consequences of the other major candidate winning this election are dire.

As Christians I think there is often an unwillingness to participate in elections, preferring instead to leave the results to God. But if Christians don’t vote, we will have to live with the consequences of our inaction - and this attitude is not Biblical.

The message we heard on a Sunday several weeks ago - from Joshua 3 spoke to this. One of the lessons was to stand up and be bold! Another lesson from that chapter was that we can’t expect God’s blessings if we don’t take action. God didn’t part the Jordan River until the priests stepped into it and got their feet wet. He expects us to stand up for those who can’t defend themselves and to call a turn when our leaders are engaging in open sin and rebellion against God.

We can’t expect God to continue blessing America when we elect leaders who directly oppose His laws and actively work to implement laws that protect sinful behaviors (like the wholesale murder of unborn babies; not holding criminals responsible for the crimes they commit; teaching woke ideology and revisionist history in our public schools; encouraging children (with or without parental involvement) to undergo permanent changes to their bodies in an effort to change their God-given gender; allowing millions of people to flood in to America illegally and then expecting taxpayers to support them by giving them free housing, education, medical care, etc.).

I can’t sit back and do nothing. We as Christians have done that for far too long and the toll that has taken on society is evident everywhere you look. The very least I can do is exercise my right as an American to vote and to do my best to elect a candidate who will preserve our freedoms, maintain our support for Israel, prioritize the best interests of our Country over providing foreign aid, etc.

I don’t agree with everything my chosen candidate stands for and if I’m honest, I would have preferred a different nominee. But God doesn’t ask us to choose perfect leaders - there has never been a perfect leader in the history of humanity save Adam before the Fall and Jesus who came as a servant.

Please vote. It’s important and your vote DOES matter - even in Washington State.

Anger

Jonah 4:4 - Then the LORD said, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

I never saw my Dad angry. He never raised his voice in anger in our home when I was growing up. I am sure he felt anger welling up inside sometimes but he had learned to control his response to those feelings and kept his anger under control.

I wish I could say I was like my Dad in that regard but I admit I have yelled at my husband in the past and have yelled at my children.

I have learned that it is unwise to yell at my husband and just serves to provoke anger in HIM so I don’t do it anymore and my children HATE it when I yell. It really scares them because it’s not something they see in me very often. Scaring them like that is NOT my goal and makes me feel horrible (as it should)!

I hope I am learning how to better control my responses to feelings of anger. It has been awhile since I raised my voice but I know I communicate my anger in more subtle ways now that are arguably equally damaging.

Angry responses are sinful and they take a major toll on our families. When we are reckless with our words, we cause permanent damage. We can’t take our words back - once they are out our mouths, they can inflict pain on our families that can have serious future ramifications.

I try to ask myself if it is even right for me to be angry in a given situation. More often than not, the answer is a resounding “no!” So any response (loud or subtle) to my unjustified anger is automatically going to be sinful and wrong.

Our world is an angry place to be right now. There is SO much hate, anger and violence in this current environment. We should not carry that with us into our families or neighborhoods. We need to guard our hearts and minds and shield our loved ones from the anger we might feel by being immersed in the yuck of this sinful world.

I am a work in progress. Lately I feel like my resolve to control my response to feelings of anger and frustration seems to constany be tested.  I am never going to achieve perfection. But I am daily striving for it and I pray you are too!

October!

“Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning,”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭12‬:‭35‬ ‭ESV‬‬

October is our busiest month since our daughter entered high school. We always had a flurry of activity on a couple of our October weekends with 2 birthdays to celebrate. But things kicked in to hyper gear last year and this year October is even MORE action-packed.

Tonight is Homecoming and there are activities planned all day long at friends’ houses and a park before and after the actual Homecoming event. After homecoming is over, our daughter dives right in to activities associated with her upcoming choir fundraiser performance showcase (called Rev Factor) in which she will be performing 5 different songs (1 solo, 1 trio, 1 all girls group and 2 all-choir performances). This will require multiple rehearsals, setting up before and cleaning up after the performance, etc. Interspersed throughout the next several weeks are fun hangouts with her friends.

If she’s not talking about Homecoming, she’s talking about Rev Factor or some friend hangout that is upcoming. She is excited! It’s easy to get caught up in her excitement!

Our son turns 13 and his party is next Saturday. That’s what HE is excited about and talks about frequently but it’s not something our daughter is really keeping on her radar unless it is briefly brought to her attention.

Being 15, our socially active daughter needs someone to chauffeur her around to all her various destinations and in most cases, that someone is ME. Additionally, someone needs to plan our son’s birthday party, buy and wrap gifts, bake and decorate a cake, etc. Guess who that someone is every year? Yup, ME.

It brings me so much joy to help make holidays and other events special so I am NOT complaining about being so busy.

But the reality is that it all takes a toll on me physically. This is where having MS presents a bigger challenge than for healthy people. After a couple of really active days, I can crash hard and need a day of NO activity to recuperate. Again, I am not complaining. I know my limitations and I plan for rest days and I would rather be involved in life than spend my days trying not to do anything that would drain my energy.

But there is another member of our family who requires my time and attention - my husband. He is not caught up in the excitement. Quite the opposite, he is agitated by the disruptions to our family and he can talk about nothing but what a hardship it is for our daughter to make all these plans and expect us to not only pay for all if it but to provide transportation which means she is not the only member of our family who is frequently gone. He laments the fact that she is prioritizing her friends over time with her family.

I have been thinking a lot about this over the past many days because I am also the sounding board for everyone. I have come to the conclusion that we have a lot of people in our family who are consumed with themselves and their own experiences who can’t seem to step back and consider what their impact is on those around them. They have different perspectives and they are not wrong in and of themselves. Our daughter is a teenager with a great group of friends and she is involved in an awesome choir. She is a straight A student so it’s hard to find fault with the myriad of events and activities she is involved in. But my husband is also right. Our first priority should be to our families and we should be sensitive to each other’s needs and the impact we have on each other. Our son SHOULD be excited about his upcoming birthday party - there’s nothing wrong with that.

But what I don’t hear from any of my family members right now in the middle of this crazy month of activities is much in the way of truly showing love for one another by showing interest in the things the others are excited about. My husband is working on restoring a car that was his Dad’s and he wants to talk about it - but the kids never ask to hear about how it’s going. Our daughter is excited about her month of events but my husband and son don’t ask her much about any of it. Our son is excited about his upcoming party but he's the only one who ever brings it up. Everyone is talking about their own things and no one else is showing any interest. And I am just exhausted by it all.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

This is a sin problem. It plagues all of us. We are selfish by nature and it is HARD to stop thinking of ourselves for a minute and show GENUINE interest in others. Not just pretending to listen and waiting for a break in the conversation to jump in and talk about whatever is on our own minds. I’m guilty of this too! With all that I am having to keep track of, it’s so easy to spend my time talking about my own thoughts and concerns and to be oblivious to the cares and concerns of others.

But what is the most concerning is that we aren’t keeping our minds focused on God. I have caught myself feeling anxious about how I am going to have the energy and strength to get through this month. Suddenly the Lord will bring me back to Him and reminded me that He will be my strength. What a relief!

it is so hard to admit when we are wrong or have been selfish. But we can’t show love toward each other OR truly love and hear what the Lord is telling us when we are too busy being consumed by our own thoughts and activities. We need to be constantly on guard for this. This is why we are supposed to “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) - because when we stop praying, our minds get flooded by so many thoughts and concerns and we get so distracted that we can’t hear the directions the Lord is giving us. That makes us ineffective as witnesses and it's a trap laid by our enemy that we so easily fall in to.

We can’t be discouraged by our failures though. We are always forgiven and given another chance.

In the Eye of the Storm

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, Until these calamities have passed by. Psalm 57:1

I have a cousin who lives in Florida. Tonight they are hunkering down and bracing for the approaching hurricane Milton, touted as the most destructive storm to hit their area in 100 years. We are watching from a distance and praying mightily for her and her family as well as for all the people in the path of this monster storm.

We can’t do anything to stop the storm from hitting Florida. It is so hard to see something like that coming and knowing people will lose homes, pets, vehicles and other property, their lives in some cases, etc. It is heart-wrenching and we feel powerless because there is NOTHING we can do to change the path or destructive strength of this hurricane. The only thing that can be done is to warn people it is coming and urge those in the danger zones to evacuate to safety - and pray.

There is another, much more damaging force at work in this world. Its’ path is far more destructive and devastation will be total. The Bible has warning labels throughout its’ pages. Those of us who have secured our safety must warn the others about the coming storm. Judgment is barreling toward this world and only those of us who have put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ will be saved. Everyone else will endure tribulation and everlasting punishment and certain (and eternally painful) death. Its heartbreaking and we are powerless to stop the coming judgment. All we can do is warn those who have continued to reject Christ as God, urge them to reconsider and accept Jesus as their Savior - and pray.

Armor of God

When my son was in 3rd grade (he's in 7th now), he memorized the entire Armor of God passage in Ephesians 6.  We practiced it together every day and from that time forward, without fail, I have mentally and prayerfully put the Armor of God on each morning as I get dressed for the day and pray the the Lord would equip me to fight the spiritual battles I will be facing throughout the day.

This morning, Ephesians 6:10-18 were the verses to read with the Our Daily Bread devotional and verses 11 and 12 really stuck out to me as I thought about the world we are living in.  We REALLY CAN'T stand against the evil in this world without the protection and full armor of God.  We are in over our heads. 

I do what I can when I am with my husband and children to keep their minds focused on the Lord and their hearts filled with love.  I read a devotional to them at breakfast time, we pray together at breakfast and dinner,  I read devotionals and pray with them (including my husband) at night, I draw angels to put on the kids' bedroom doors after praying for them secretly in the night... but when my husband leaves on a trip and I drop the kids off at school,  I can't have any influence over what people or circumstances they will encounter.  

I trust that Jesus and an army of angels are walking with them, providing a protective forcefield around them.

And I pray that for you too.  I purposely don't send group texts or emails.  I pray for you as I choose your name from my contact list.  Because we all need prayer and encouragement.   We need to keep reminding eachother that we are not in this fight alone.  Most importantly,  we have an all-powerful God.  But He put a whole bunch of us together on this earth and He intended for us to work together as one body - different gifts that we are supposed to use to bless and encourage eachother.

Another devotional I was reading this morning had Joshua 3 and 4 as the reference and I was just amazed by God 's timing because we are going through Joshua at our church on Sunday mornings and the speaker who spoke on Joshua 3 pointed out that God didn't part the Jordan River until the priests with the Ark of the Covenant actually stepped into the river.  It takes faith to step in the direction God is leading - to use the gifts He has given us - but until we move in the direction He points us, God will withhold His best blessings.

So, suit up into your spiritual armor and go out there and be a blessing!😃 

The Blessings of MS

The Blessings of MS

I was diagnosed in 2014 with Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis after 10 years of mysterious and intermittent symptoms and several mis-diagnoses.  When a general neurologist finally had to admit that I did, indeed, have Multiple Sclerosis, she beat around the bush, hemmed and hawed and frustrated my husband to the point he had to leave the room while she tried to break the news to me in her awkward way.  I was instantly relieved to finally have an answer to the medical mystery so I could get started on researching treatment options.  She referred me to an MS specialist for confirmation, which I appreciated.

April of this year marked 10 years since that hilariously awkward diagnosis and it took 10 years of investigation before I finally had answers.  So I have been living with MS for 20+ years now, and not once have I felt angry or bitter about it.  The Lord allowed MS into my life and into my family (make no mistake, when 1 person has MS, their whole family is impacted by it too) for a variety of reasons I believe.  I find new reasons all the time that having MS is a blessing.

I was a highly capable person pre-MS.  I was high energy and could multi-task with great efficiency and accuracy.  I was extremely organized and I had a high capacity memory.  I took on tasks with confidence - even if I didn’t initially know how to do them - because I was confident in my ability to figure it out.  I have a whole file full of recommendation letters, one of which claims I could almost walk on water.  I was saved but I was too busy to stop and listen to the voice of the Lord in my life.  I prayed but I didn’t wait and listen for the answer.  I believe the main reason the Lord allowed MS into my life was to slow me down and to disable me (like when He touched Jacob’s hip and dislocated it while wrestling with the Angel if the Lord) so I would recognize that, as capable as I was, I needed to lean on Jesus for strength.  I needed to recognize that I can’t get through a single second of the day without God’s help.  After all, He controls my heartbeats and every breath I take.  Functions of life that are so automatic that it’s easy to take them for granted.  Suddenly, I have a disease that makes so many of the basic functions of life more difficult.  Things take more thought and effort - showers, getting dressed, fixing meals, grocery shopping, even just the thought effort that goes into planning meals - are all fatiguing.  I have to rely on prayer and the arm of the Lord to get me through each day.  And I am so THANKFUL!  Thankful that I have a God who is available, who cares about little old me and who is faithful!  I am so thankful that He slowed me down so I could get closer to Him, hear His still small voice, and see His hand accomplishing so many great things all around me.  I would have missed the richness God has to offer me in this life had I not gotten MS.

Another reason I believe God allowed MS into my life is to protect me.  Ha!  Yep, that’s what I said!  Everyone who has MS has a unique set of symptoms.  One symptom that my MS has brought on is a blunting of emotion.  I used to be an extremely emotional person.  I cried even at touching commercials.  But God knew that I felt things a little TOO deeply and He knew what challenges were in my future that would require some emotional separation to make wise decisions.  One of those events happened in 2017 when my Mom and sister needed help deciding whether to let go of my Dad (who had Parkinson’s with dementia) when he was in the hospital after a blockage had caused him to go septic.  I don’t believe I would have been able to be involved in that decision-making process had I not had a diminishing of emotions due to MS.  And now, we are going through the process of getting our son in to a neuropsychologist to be evaluated for what looks like ADHD or mild autism spectrum disorder or potentially both.  Maybe you don’t have a strong bond with your Dad or your children but my Dad was the strongest, most kind and generous person I had ever known until I had a son.  My son is the sweetest, most friendly and kind-hearted boy who wakes up every day with a smile and attacks life with vigor.  My son and my Dad are two of the most amazing people I have ever met.  And yet, I can go through these really hard challenges without letting my emotions cloud my judgment and I am GRATEFUL!

Speaking of amazing people, I have an amazingly capable daughter who is an enormous help to me.  I appreciate her so much and I don’t think I would see how amazing she is if I was as capable as I used to be.  She is such a joy and encouragement and she has had to step in to help me in ways I probably wouldn’t have asked her to if I didn’t have MS.  And yet, she describes my MS, not as a disability, but as a super power!  

I believe MS was brought in to our family to teach us ALL about grace, patience, humility, etc.  My husband has been working so hard to support me but he is grieving the loss of who I was - the highly capable me who could match and even exceed his energy.  I believe the Lord slowed me down so my husband would have to slow down too - to take a step back and realize the things that are truly important.  God first, each other, our children, family, friends, neighbors - all more important than us as individuals - all more important than chores, jobs or our personal pursuits.

The Lord has taught me, through MS, that each day is a gift.  That I need to cherish every moment with my husband and kids.  That I need to do what I can to encourage others, share Jesus with my neighbors and spread love and joy wherever I go.  And most of all, I have come to recognize that putting God first each day, praying constantly, reading my Bible each morning, talking about the Lord’s amazing design for each day, is necessary - vital - to living joyously each day.  Keeping my eyes on Jesus and off my circumstances frees me of the burden I might otherwise feel with MS.

I don’t have enough time to list every blessing MS has brought into my life but if you ever bump in to me in the future, don’t be afraid to smile or to laugh with me if I flub a word or trip on the hardwood floor.  I don’t take myself too seriously - I have too much joy inside for that!