Sunday afternoon blessing

Hard Weekend

​So, without going in to too much detail, this whole weekend has been really hard.  My husband went on an hours long rampage yesterday that ended with me taking the kids out for dinner at 8pm and then another 2 hour long lecture so we didn’t get to bed until almost midnight.  Then, today was the last Sunday the family of the boy my daughter likes were going to be at our church because they are going to attend a church closer to home.  They just this week were allowed to start texting each other but last night my husband decided to put the breaks on their relationship and took her phone away.  There is so much drama going on in our house right now and I am so mentally and emotionally fatigued.

This is a weekend where MS prevents me from enduring the marathon lectures and hours long intense monologues.  I can’t keep up with all the words and I end up making things worse because I can’t follow the long train of thought.  I sit quietly and yawn like nobody’s business and I can’t help it.  My husband calls it “power yawning.”

I am tired.  I took a nap in my son’s room after church today because my husband had locked me out of our room.  I slept so deeply that when I woke up I had no idea where I was.

But I will say that our pastor’s message on Ephesians 6:12&13 was really good and I feel like it was exactly what I needed this weekend.  And he said we would spend the rest of the summer on the armor of God which I am REALLY looking forward to!

A couple of blessings to report:

1.  Yesterday one of our neighbors gave our daughter a blouse her granddaughter had bought new but decided she didn’t want.  Our daughter loves it and wore it to church this morning where she got several compliments.🙂

2.  This afternoon the same neighbor gave us 2 big bags of veggies - 3 kinds of little tomatoes, big tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, zucchini, a yellow squash, huge green salad onions and green bell peppers.  Such a wonderful and generous neighbor!

I had a friend stay and talk with me after church today just because she could tell I didn’t want to be by myself.  She’s a fairly new friend but she seems to understand me pretty well and I appreciate her so much!

Tomorrow is a new day.  Praying it will be a much better one!

Saturday had Finally Arrived!

​​It’s funny because I don’t have a job and it’s the middle of the summer so there’s no school and yet I still look forward to the weekends!  Part of the reason is that I look forward to the Lord’s Day (Sunday) and gathering with the Lord’s people at church each week.  But today is Saturday.  I just feel this sense of relief.  That I survived another week filled with appointments and activities.  This is the day I look back on my week and marvel at all the Lord helped me accomplish and all of the special interactions that were unplanned and reminders of God’s care for ALL the details in our lives.

Our new mattress arrived yesterday and I feel like it was an improvement over our old one.  But the real story is the way God perfectly orchestrated the delivery.  It was supposed to arrive between 9:30 and 11:30 and my husband was supposed to be home from his trip at about 10am (depending on traffic between the airport and home).  I had the bed stripped and ready for the old mattress to be taken out but our bedroom is upstairs and there is a light fixture on the wall that my husband removed the last time we got a new mattress and I didn’t know how to deal with disconnecting the wiring so I didn’t attempt to remove it.  But it’s really hard to get a big mattress through that narrow area without wiping that fixture out.  Well, the Lord brought my husband home about 10 or 15 minutes before the mattress delivery guys showed up and he was able to quickly remove the light fixture and we got our mattress delivered with no damage to it or to the house.  🙂 I know, it’s a little thing.  But God’s hand is in EVERY little thing.  I love seeing Him in the nitty gritty details of the mundane things in our lives as much as in the bigger, weightier things.  We have such an AWESOME GOD!

My stomach was HORRIBLE yesterday but it’s much better so far this morning.  My husband is working on his bid for his schedule in September.  He has to submit a bid every month for his schedules.  It’s a long and tedious process but since the schedules are assigned by seniority, if he takes the time to carefully evaluate the available schedules (and there are over 400 schedules to review and rank), he can generally get a good schedule.  

The kids are still sleeping.  It’s almost 9am but they were up late last night because they went to a youth group “Bond” fire which was a lot of fun!  They only do these events once a month (for the most part) in the summer so it’s always fun for them to get together and goof off.  My son has recently started making friends with one of the boys in the youth group which thrills my heart.  My son is friendly to all and will talk to anyone but he is very careful about who he considers a close friend.  It takes him a ling time to develop trust because he has not been treated well by boys his age in general.  I have really been praying he would make a friend or two at church.  I specifically spend some time praying he would make a friend at the BBQ our church had after the service last week and much to my delight he connected with a kid sitting next to him and he gave him his email address and it was HIS house the kids went to for last night’s “bondfire”.  The kid even gave my son a hug when it was time to leave.  I am praying these boys will be able to develop a good bond of friendship!

My daughter has lots of friends at school but only a couple of friends at church.  She has 1 good girl friend at church who has been on a family road trip most of the month so they hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks until last night - they came home a day early from their trip and so she ended up going to the “bondfire” which was so exciting for my daughter who ended up bear hugging her when she got there! 🤣. But the main thing I have my eye on and my prayers focused on for her is a relationship she has with a boy at church.  They are not allowed to date until she is 16 (in 2 years) but they only have eyes for each other.  I am praying for her heart, her mind, for judgment, wisdom, discernment.  I am regularly pointing her to the Lord and reminding her that if it’s the Lord’s will and the relationship has Christ at the center there isn’t anything that can stop them from being together in the future.  But if they lose that Godly focus, satan can wiggle in there and corrupt their relationship and tear them apart or worse.  His family is changing churches after this Sunday so they will see each other even less after tomorrow and especially once the school year starts.  I just pray they will be able to maintain the sweet innocence of their friendship so far and not let their feelings get too carried away.

Well, not a lot of this has anything to do with MS.  Do you see how really insignificant MS can be in my life even though I know it has a huge impact on me and my family.  I just don’t let it rent space in my brain - ha!  Well, there ARE those pesky lesions in my brain but I don’t let MS linger in my thoughts - the part of my brain I still have some control over.😉

It’s Friday!😃

​I am going to something differently here today.  I am going to tell you about some of my physical challenges so you can know a little bit more about why I wake up each morning looking forward to seeing how God is going to carry me through my day with joy.🙂

I slept terribly last night.  We spent a lot of money 3 years ago on a mattress that was supposed to solve all our sleep issues and it made them worse.  We finally couldn’t take it anymore and on Tuesday we went mattress shopping, ordered a new mattress and today it is supposed to be delivered!  But the mattress wasn’t my inly problem.  I have been experiencing a lot of problems with my stomach.  Since April I have experienced everything from nausea to burning feeling to bloating and gas to diarrhea and/or constipation.  Right now my stomach is making all these gurgling noises and I just feel really uncomfortable.  I had a colonoscopy in April that was clear).  I've been to the ER (in May) and had a CT Scan, bloodwork, urinalysis and even a pelvic ultrasound.  Nothing unusual in any of the testing.  Next I am supposed to have an endoscopy but I am weary of all the appointments and testing and expense.  So I am holding off and praying things will start improving soon.  Tums help.😉

Aside from these issues that seem to be unrelated to MS, I have limited energy (even when I sleep well) and when it’s used up, my fatigue is so bad I stop functioning and HAVE to take a nap.  I can’t “push through” like normal people can so I really have to pace myself and take regular rest breaks.

I have more lesions in my cervical spine than I do in my brain and one of those lesions is causing me to lose partial feeling down the entire left side of my body.  I am actually losing feeling everywhere but my left side is where I notice it the most.  I have a foot drop because my brain can’t get signals to my left foot fast enough so I can’t get my ankle to function properly.  Getting dressed in the morning or getting changed at night is a challenge because of the loss of feeling and function but also because I have very poor balance.  I have to lean against a wall to steady myself or I will fall.  Speaking of falling, because of my foot drop and inability to lift my left foot up high enough, I trip a LOT.  I haven’t fallen recently but if I lose my balance, I can’t recover and will fall.  I tripped over my son at Costco once and fell pretty hard.

Taking a shower can be exhausting but I love showers because I am cold ALL of the time.  Some people with MS have heat intolerance but I have a cold intolerance and I feel cold deep inside and have difficulty warming up.  I also have Raynaud’s - something I developed just in the past couple if years.  It’s an auto-immune disorder that effects circulation so I often lose circulation in my fingers and hands - even in the summer - especially in air conditioned places like the grocery store or our house.

There are other challenges but these are biggies and some of the main reasons I rely so heavily on the Lord for every moment of every day and why I get so excited when I watch Him working everything out so perfectly!

Today is going to be a great day!

Good Evening 😉

I've had another day filled with love.  ❤️. I had a wonderful morning with a friend.   It always feels like our time together is so short!  I think we need a whole day when there has been so much time before coffee chats!

I picked my daughter up a little early from her last day of Volleyball camp because there was going to be a police training session on campus at Noon so the kids had to clear out before then.  We went home for lunch and after that I ran a couple of errands while the kids stayed home.  My daughter had a gift she needed to finish making for her friend's birthday party this evening.   She taught herself how to crochet and she has been creating these beautiful flowers and cute octopi.  She made an octopus for her friend while I was gone.

We all loaded up into the car to take her to the birthday party this evening and my son and I had a little dinner and movie "date."  I had never seen the movie "Onward" before but my son recorded it when it was on TV awhile back.  Ita really cute movie and much to my surprise, I actually teared up at the end. Surprising for me these days - I used to cry so easily - even at some of the more touching commercials.   But MS has really robbed me of a lot of my ability to cry.  My son was pretty surprised, sorry the movie made me cry but also glad, I think, that I liked the movie enough to get involved emotionally in it.  He used to like me to read the books to him that made me cry so he could comfort me.  He is such a sweet boy and he's so good at providing comfort to people who are sad.  You should see him with little kids who are crying.  He had a tender heart and is excellent at cheering people up - especially the very young and the very old - as well as his Mom.  🥰

I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow holds!

It’s a Beautiful Day!

​Good morning!  I just finished my Bible reading.  I read every morning and am so enjoying it!  I keep adding things to read.  I am reading through Oswald Chambers “My Utmost for His Highest” in addition to the J Vernon McGee study on Revelation.  I am also working my way through the Old Testament on my own - just finished Haggai.  I read the One Year Bible with my son every night - this is our second time reading through it together.  

I am excited for what today will hold.  I am dropping my daughter off at her last day if Volleyball camp and then coming home to meet a friend from our church.  It will be her first time to our house and I am going to make coffee for her with the espresso machine we bought ourselves as a Christmas gift last year.😋. It is always a sweet time when we get together for coffee and I am really looking forward to her visit!

My daughter has a birthday party to go to tonight too and I am looking forward to seeing some if the Moms if her friends as they drop their girls off at the party.

Well, time to wake the kids up!  I will post an update later to let you know how the Lord orchestrated my day!  😃  

Lucy the Alligator 😃

Cafe Cubano 😋

Blessings Upon Blessings!

So far my day has been amazing!   It's a little energy day but I have had 1 energy boost after another!   I feel like I probably overuse the exclamation point...😉

Anyway, I dropped my daughter off at Volleyball camp and went to Safeway.  Nothing notable happened.   But at 11:30 I met the Mom of one of one of my daughter's friends to catch up before we picked our girls up from Volleyball Camp and I was just so blessed to spend a half an hour chatting with her.  And as a bonus I was able to watch my daughter in action while I was waiting for this woman to arrive and she was doing so great!

Then, we went home for lunch and then ran a couple of errands. I had to stop by a jewelry store (my husband had to get his wedding band re-sized and I needed to pick it up for him) and I met this lovely man who had just celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary.  He played football with Ken Hutchinson at the UW and I knew "Hutch" from Westminster Chapel where I grew up and he was an associate pastor before leaving with Mark Webster to form Antioch in Kirkland.  We talked churches and it turns out he is a believer and a very kind gentleman.   Thrilled my soul to meet him!  

After we got home, I left my daughter (who is currently cleaning the house for me, dear girl) and took my son to the summer party being thrown by his orthodontist.   There is free ice cream, espresso and a bouncy house and pretty soon the Reptile Man will be Herr.  But I met the coffee guy (Terry) and had a lovely conversation with him.  He owns the company (Elegant Espresso) and he made me an amazing drink that is his signature drink called the cafe Cubano- yum!  Turns out he is also a chaplain for the police department and has a ministry helping teach young people in South Africa to make espso they can go to the bigger cities and get jobs at higher end hotels and restaurants.   He also us a cancer survivor.   Amazing gentleman!

I'm also wearing pink today because it's Wednesday (something my daughter and her friends started during the school year - it's from a movie they watched) and all the Neal Smiles employees are wearing pink shirts - I heard one of them say "we wear pink on Wednesdays" - made me laugh and I had a great conversation with her too.

These moments just propel me through the day.  Plus, Terry actually made me TWO coffee drinks - I also had an iced Coconut White Chocolate Latte.  😁

My God is sooooooo amazing!   I can hardly wait for tomorrow! 

Take Courage!

Shopping Day!

​Good morning!  I just finished my morning devotions.  I am reading through Revelation again and going through J Vernon McGee’s study on it.  My Mom used to listen to him on the radio when I was a kid.  I am really enjoying his insights.

I think I should tell you that my husband really does work hard.  He HAS taken on some extra chores that I can’t do anymore and he’s weary.  It’s a stretch to call him my “caregiver” though.  Especially since he’s a major airline captain and is gone an average of 3 days a week.  But he DOES cook when I don’t have the energy, he does the laundry and he took over the financials which we used to share but math and numbers are difficult for me to get right now.

Today is grocery shopping day!  I enjoy grocery shopping even though it drains me of energy.  I enjoy it because the Lord always finds a way to bring people to me that I can show his love to.  One time I was singing “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” with the guy who brings the carts in from the parking lot at Costco.  I wear my smile and I talk to anyone the Lord brings to my attention and I am blessed every shopping day - even if the only people I talk to are the cashiers.  It just lifts my spirit when I get to spread the love of Jesus.  One time it was my son who showed that love by helping the people behind us empty their carts.  I just never know what’s going to happen and I love surprises!

Yesterday the Lord brought me to the mind of a friend who checked in on me and told me she wasn’t sure why but she suddenly thought of me so she was letting me know that good, bad or indifferent, she was praying for me and my family.  What a blessing!  I wasn’t having a particularly bad or even a particularly good day but I knew the Lord had a reason.  My stomach has been really giving me trouble lately so maybe that’s why.  I will probably never know but isn’t it great when God sends someone to check on you?😃   

Well, I need to load my digital coupons now.  I pray you have as fabulous a day as I imagine mine will be!

Rejoice!

Good Morning!

​It’s Tuesday.  My daughter has to be at Volleyball camp at 8:30am and my husband has a dental appointment at 9am.  My husband hates traffic so I always have to accompany him when he goes to the dentist so he doesn’t have to drive and so we can use the carpool lane.  This means that I get to sit in the car for an hour (our son will be with me too) and read my Bible.  Today though, I think I will pop over to the vision clinic and drop a note off for my friend!  I am excited to be able to check in with her again this week!

You know, I used to really dislike the fact that my husband can’t go to any of his appointments without me.  But I do understand that he gets really stressed out in traffic and so I don’t mind ad much anymore.  I DO find it a little interesting though that he is always complaining about the extra work he has had to take on because of my decreasing abilities and he refers to himself as my caregiver but I do all the driving - to church, on errands, to appointments, etc.  I also make all the phone calls he needs to make - I make most of his doctor appointments, calls about car parts, questions about bills or just about anything - he especially hates calling people when there is a problem.  So I do it for him.  At least I can still do some things for him that are helpful even if he doesn’t realize he’s being helped.😉. I also pack a cooler full of food for him the night before he leaves on a trip and I get up early to put an ice pack in it and set it out by his wallet so he remembers to take it with him - I always put an encouraging note - often with a verse - in his cooler too.  My sister recently found these great Snoopy notes that I have been using lately because Blair loves Snoopy.🙂 

Well, I need to get the kids up and moving.  Praying the Lord carries us through another busy day!

Awesome God!

So, I had an incredible part to play in God's plan this morning!

I was early everywhere.   We got to the orthodontist a half an hour early.  They were able to get Jacob's wires out and we were out the door 15 minutes before his appointment time.  We headed toward the dentist's office and I was so happy I would be early enough to visit my friend at the vision clinic.  I wanted to bring her coffee but there's not a coffee shop on my route so I decided against going out of my way to find coffee because I didn't want to be late.  Well, God had other plans.   I took a wrong turn.  I didn't even realize it was a wrong turn until I started looking for my next turn and I recognized where I was.  I hadn't intended to take that route - in fact, I had never gone that way before and had no idea that road would take me where I wanted to go as well.  And guess what?  There was a Starbucks on that route!  So I decided to stop and pick up coffee for my friend.  It WAS Monday after all and I felt I should get her coffee.  

Turns out she was having a difficult morning and was wishing she had gotten herself a coffee to help her through the fog.  She was so thankful for the coffee and I told her to thank God because I had no intention of getting her coffee this morning but God worked through my lack of navigational skills and directed me to get coffee for her.  😃

God is sooooo amazing!  I love when I bumble my way around and He shows me how He can use my failures for His purposes!   

This is why I am excited every morning to see what the Lord has in store for me!

Monday!

​It is going to be a busy Monday.  My daughter starts volleyball camp, my son has a dental cleaning with involves getting the wires from his braces removed and then replaced by his orthodontist and after lunch we are going mattress shopping.  

Because of MS in my life, this schedule sounds exhausting!  And I DO take a medication that helps with my energy level but I only take it every other day and guess what?  Today is not one of those days.

But the Lord is right here with me at all times and I am just amazed by the energy boost He provides at the exact moment I need it - every single time!  So I don’t look at a day like today and worry myself about how I am going to survive it.  I am actually excited about my day.  One bonus about my son’s dental appointment is that our dentist is right next door to a vision clinic where a friend of mine works so I will get to drop in and say hello which will fuel me up and make me smile.  And I really look forward to chatting with the ladies at the reception desk in the dental office.  

Today is going to be busy but I am excited to watch how the Lord works to help me through it!

No Drama Please!

​I find myself increasingly intolerant of people who try to drag me in to their drama.  I am happy to listen to my friends and to pray with and for them and to do my best to advise and encourage them and yes, share in their struggles, helping to carry their burdens.  But there are some people who just want to debate and argue on points we disagree on.  Some people just like the process of engaging in conflict for the sake of argument.  Like playing devil’s advocate just for the thrill if debate.  I am not one of those people and I abhor the drama those people bring into my life.  I don’t let it steal my joy.  I figure out what they are doing pretty quickly and then do what I can to avoid lengthy conversations with them.  Does that happen to you?  My problem is that if someone takes up an argument with me, I WILL argue.  I WANT to win the argument too and that pride in me is ugly and unGodly.  And it eats at me after the conversation is over.  I have a cousin who is maddeningly argumentative.  His life is a train wreck and I let it consume me for a long time.  I had to disconnect from him.  I can’t let miserable and angry people drag me in to their anger and misery.  It’s true that misery loves company but I choose joy.  And I don’t like to blame my deficiencies on MS but I have limited energy and what energy I have I need to use wisely.  I choose not to use it up on senseless debate with people who just like to argue.  There’s never a conclusion.  They just like to disagree!  

Sorry for the rant.  I spent the afternoon trying to avoid one of those people but she would not be ignored by me today.  

Every Day Focus

​I have developed habits that I use every day to get my focus off myself and my own desires and circumstances and redirect it toward the Lord and His desires for each day.

The first thing I do as I am getting dressed each morning is I mentally put on the Armor of God - Helmet of Salvation, Breastplate of Righteousness, Belt of Truth, Sword of the Spirit, Shield of Faith and Shoes of Peace (as my daughter calls them).  Then I pray that the Lord would equip me to fight any spiritual battles I might face that day.  Next I pray the Lord would help me to show His love toward everyone I come in contact with, beginning with my husband and children.  I pray for safety and protection during the day’s activities and I thank Him for hiving me the strength to accomplish His purposes as He presents opportunities to me each day.

My next habit is to write in a “Thankfulness Journal.”  A little over a year ago I dedicated a journal just for writing things I am thankful for and then determined to write in it at least 1 thing I was thankful for each day - before doing anything else.  And just over a year later I have found that I somehow have more and more things to be thankful for and my journal is almost full.  Some days all I can think of to be thankful for is the energy to get myself dressed but most days I find myself trying to narrow down my list because I need to get to my Bible reading.😃 

These habits really help me to keep my eyes on the blessings of the Lord and to rely on His strength and wisdom.  And they help me to roll right in to discussions with my kids - asking them if they put their armor of God on as they sit down to breakfast.  I am able to start my mornings off with a smile and upbeat attitude with my husband regardless of the mood he is in.  I look for opportunities to show love and kindness at the grocery store, gas station, in our neighborhood.

I have MS but the Lord provides me with the energy to serve Him at every opportunity He presents and I am so blessed!

Afternoon Update

​Well, I am tired.  But my husband got home from his trip and didn’t sleep well last night either.  I was struggling to stay awake listening to him talk when he got home.  He was doing okay until we sat down for lunch - he had a meltdown and went upstairs for a nap.  I am feeling a little better after eating something but I could really use a nap myself.  I don’t want to disturb my husband right now though so I guess I will wait until he wakes up.  I have to day though that I DO find it interesting that my healthy husband takes longer and more frequent naps than I do.  I generally take 20 minute naps and only once a week wt the most.  When I’m at my most fatigued I will sleep for up to an hour but not generally longer unless I’m sick.  I’m thankful I got so much done over the past few days so I can afford a nap today!😉

Ugh!

I spent a long time this morning writing a post that disappeared as soon as I finished it!  I don't have the time now to recreate my post but I am letting you know that I am thankful for this new day.  I'm looking forward to seeing how the Lord is going to carry me through it because I went to bed way too late last night and woke up super early this morning so only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep which is hard for normal people but really bad for someone with MS.  A nap is probably in my future but for now, I'm drinking my coffee (a mocha actually, can't stand the taste of coffee but I need the caffeine to survive the morning) and relying heavily on the hand of God.  Maybe I will report back later and tell you how things went today...🙂

Praying for good health...

My first post!

 I am very excited to be blogging finally.  I will start with a short one because it’s really late on a Friday night and I am tired.

I have to say though that I wanted to write about my journey as a Christian wife and mother with multiple sclerosis (MS).  It has been such a joyfully challenging time in my life and I want to share my perspective on it all.

By the time I was finally diagnosed in 2014, I already knew there was something seriously wrong.  My husband was upset with me and thought I was changing in retaliation for some of his angry outbursts over the years.  He took a lot of guilt on his shoulders and yet he thought I had control over things like not being able to have meaningful discussions after 9pm or struggling to plan meals for the week.  An MS diagnosis was a welcome explanation for all my weird symptoms and it was honestly a relief to finally have an answer.  It was time to start treating my disease and get on with my life, right?  Well… yes, to an extent.  But what that looks like now is very different from what I thought it would.

I thought my diagnosis would explain all my difficulties and take the burden of responsibility off my husband and the pressure to get back to my old self off of me.  Wrong.  It increased both.  Now my husband is taking on more than he should and is doubling down on the pressure he puts on me to make the changes he deems necessary for the survival of our marriage.

You would think I would be super stressed out or even bitter.  But one of the blessings of MS in my life is that I don’t feel emotions the way I once did.  I believe it’s a gift from the Lord to protect me from pain.  From the deep pain I know I would have felt when my Dad passed away in 2017, when my Grandma passed away in 2019, when my cousin passed away in 2019, when numerous close friends passed away between 2019 and 2022.  And the pain of a very difficult marriage.

I was talking with my 14 year old daughter today.  I told her that her Dad thinks my MS is getting worse but that I used to hate picking raspberries in our yard because it was hard for me - very fatiguing and physically difficult but the past couple of years I have found it much easier and more enjoyable - so much so that it’s now one of my favorite things to do.  So, I told her I thought I was actually improving in some areas.  And she agreed but then she said this:  “I think you are just appreciating the small things and simple moments more now.”  Such an insightful girl.  She is right!  I savor every moment of every day.  I seek joy in everything and do my best to create it when it can’t be found.  I have come to realize that I can do nothing apart from God.  He provides all the strength, energy and motivation for every undertaking in my life.  I am slowly losing feeling everywhere in my body and even emotionally.  But I am gaining in my understanding if the deep love and mercy the Lord shows me every second of every day.  

Without MS, I don’t know whether I would have slowed down enough to hear the voice of the Lord whispering in my ear or to feel His arms wrapped around me keeping me safe.  I am deeply grateful for my MS diagnosis.  The Lord is so merciful!