I was diagnosed in 2014 with Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis after 10 years of mysterious and intermittent symptoms and several mis-diagnoses. When a general neurologist finally had to admit that I did, indeed, have Multiple Sclerosis, she beat around the bush, hemmed and hawed and frustrated my husband to the point he had to leave the room while she tried to break the news to me in her awkward way. I was instantly relieved to finally have an answer to the medical mystery so I could get started on researching treatment options. She referred me to an MS specialist for confirmation, which I appreciated.
April of this year marked 10 years since that hilariously awkward diagnosis and it took 10 years of investigation before I finally had answers. So I have been living with MS for 20+ years now, and not once have I felt angry or bitter about it. The Lord allowed MS into my life and into my family (make no mistake, when 1 person has MS, their whole family is impacted by it too) for a variety of reasons I believe. I find new reasons all the time that having MS is a blessing.
I was a highly capable person pre-MS. I was high energy and could multi-task with great efficiency and accuracy. I was extremely organized and I had a high capacity memory. I took on tasks with confidence - even if I didn’t initially know how to do them - because I was confident in my ability to figure it out. I have a whole file full of recommendation letters, one of which claims I could almost walk on water. I was saved but I was too busy to stop and listen to the voice of the Lord in my life. I prayed but I didn’t wait and listen for the answer. I believe the main reason the Lord allowed MS into my life was to slow me down and to disable me (like when He touched Jacob’s hip and dislocated it while wrestling with the Angel if the Lord) so I would recognize that, as capable as I was, I needed to lean on Jesus for strength. I needed to recognize that I can’t get through a single second of the day without God’s help. After all, He controls my heartbeats and every breath I take. Functions of life that are so automatic that it’s easy to take them for granted. Suddenly, I have a disease that makes so many of the basic functions of life more difficult. Things take more thought and effort - showers, getting dressed, fixing meals, grocery shopping, even just the thought effort that goes into planning meals - are all fatiguing. I have to rely on prayer and the arm of the Lord to get me through each day. And I am so THANKFUL! Thankful that I have a God who is available, who cares about little old me and who is faithful! I am so thankful that He slowed me down so I could get closer to Him, hear His still small voice, and see His hand accomplishing so many great things all around me. I would have missed the richness God has to offer me in this life had I not gotten MS.
Another reason I believe God allowed MS into my life is to protect me. Ha! Yep, that’s what I said! Everyone who has MS has a unique set of symptoms. One symptom that my MS has brought on is a blunting of emotion. I used to be an extremely emotional person. I cried even at touching commercials. But God knew that I felt things a little TOO deeply and He knew what challenges were in my future that would require some emotional separation to make wise decisions. One of those events happened in 2017 when my Mom and sister needed help deciding whether to let go of my Dad (who had Parkinson’s with dementia) when he was in the hospital after a blockage had caused him to go septic. I don’t believe I would have been able to be involved in that decision-making process had I not had a diminishing of emotions due to MS. And now, we are going through the process of getting our son in to a neuropsychologist to be evaluated for what looks like ADHD or mild autism spectrum disorder or potentially both. Maybe you don’t have a strong bond with your Dad or your children but my Dad was the strongest, most kind and generous person I had ever known until I had a son. My son is the sweetest, most friendly and kind-hearted boy who wakes up every day with a smile and attacks life with vigor. My son and my Dad are two of the most amazing people I have ever met. And yet, I can go through these really hard challenges without letting my emotions cloud my judgment and I am GRATEFUL!
Speaking of amazing people, I have an amazingly capable daughter who is an enormous help to me. I appreciate her so much and I don’t think I would see how amazing she is if I was as capable as I used to be. She is such a joy and encouragement and she has had to step in to help me in ways I probably wouldn’t have asked her to if I didn’t have MS. And yet, she describes my MS, not as a disability, but as a super power!
I believe MS was brought in to our family to teach us ALL about grace, patience, humility, etc. My husband has been working so hard to support me but he is grieving the loss of who I was - the highly capable me who could match and even exceed his energy. I believe the Lord slowed me down so my husband would have to slow down too - to take a step back and realize the things that are truly important. God first, each other, our children, family, friends, neighbors - all more important than us as individuals - all more important than chores, jobs or our personal pursuits.
The Lord has taught me, through MS, that each day is a gift. That I need to cherish every moment with my husband and kids. That I need to do what I can to encourage others, share Jesus with my neighbors and spread love and joy wherever I go. And most of all, I have come to recognize that putting God first each day, praying constantly, reading my Bible each morning, talking about the Lord’s amazing design for each day, is necessary - vital - to living joyously each day. Keeping my eyes on Jesus and off my circumstances frees me of the burden I might otherwise feel with MS.
I don’t have enough time to list every blessing MS has brought into my life but if you ever bump in to me in the future, don’t be afraid to smile or to laugh with me if I flub a word or trip on the hardwood floor. I don’t take myself too seriously - I have too much joy inside for that!
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