Weariness

I admit I am feeling very weak and weary right now. One of the really difficult aspects of MS is that I never know from day to day how I am going to feel because it doesn’t depend on ANYTHING. I can have a really busy day and the next day I will either be too tired to do more than just the basic necessities or I might have more energy than the day before and accomplish a whole list of things. There is no rhyme or reason to it.

But one of the other truly frustrating aspects of MS is that mental fatigue is worse than physical fatigue. Just the effort it takes to follow a conversation, take in the meanings and process the information and try to formulate a response is not something that comes as easily for me as it once did. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy fellowship and conversation and the energy it takes out of me is worth it in my opinion. But there are days (like today) when the noise of voices becomes too much for my brain - when there isn’t time for a mental break - and I get SOOOOO tired!

Right now my left leg is barely functional and the inside of my mouth has lost more feeling than usual. And I have been really dizzy and off balance - can’t walk straight to save my life. I should be in bed. I am all ready for bed. My son and husband are in bed. But my daughter is at school at a dress rehearsal for her drama class. It was supposed to be over at 9pm but they are running late and it’s already 9:30. I still have to get her home and get her something to eat and pack her lunch for school tomorrow before I can finally get myself to bed.

Tomorrow I will go grocery shopping and volunteer at my son’s school…

And now it’s Wednesday! I was too tired to finish this post on Monday and was too busy and tired to write on Tuesday. Such is my life. It has been a hard week…

And the worst thing about it is that there has been nothing really hard about this week!!! I have been on sensory overload all week so far though and it has been exhausting.

But this I know. I have met every challenge so far and the Lord has sustained me.

Have you ever done a “trust fall” with a friend? Where you just let yourself fall backwards, trusting your friend behind you to catch you before you hit the ground? Well, I am trusting Jesus to catch me as I fall backward into His arms. He knows, much better than I, what suffering and fatigue REALLY feel like. And He has never once dropped me or failed to catch me as I, weak from my daily struggles, helplessly fall backwards.